How to overcome in-law problems?

REPLY FROM OUR THERAPIST CLAUDETTE: It can be stressful caught between a desire to have family time together, and a sense of anxiety of family tension. Mental preparation is key for dealing with difficult family relationships: 1. Make time for reflection – taking some time out before you meet your family is helpful to reflect on your emotions, what triggers you, the typical nature and patterns of your interactions, the roles that people habitually fall into, and the situations that may be potentially difficult. It helps you to be less reactive in the moment. It also initiates the process of thinking about how to shift the usual dynamics and opens you up to the possibilities of new ways of relating. 2. Work towards acceptance when dealing with difficult family relationships – your family is who they are. If they have disappointed you in the past, are not able to meet your needs or do not share the same ideas as you, trying to change them will leave you frustrated, resentful and disap

REPLY FROM OUR THERAPIST AMBER: To set boundaries, you’ll first need to know what are you are willing to accommodate and the non-negotiables. This can help you be aware of what you can or cannot tolerate. Be open to possibilities of others challenging them though. It doesn’t mean you have to accommodate, but it could be a chance for you to have further conversations to help you better learn to navigate differences in your relationships. - Amber

REPLY FROM OUR THERAPIST AMBER: It can get tricky trying to establish rules with your in laws, because you may be worried about the impact of boundaries on the family relationship. Nevertheless, healthy relationships have boundaries and these can be done respectfully. You’re off to a great start because you are understanding their perspective and challenges in engaging with a young child, and are also looking at ways to allow them to bond with your daughter. At times, grandparents giving in could be their way of showing love, and they could be unaware of the unintended consequences. I would suggest having a conversation with them that involves sharing your understanding about their difficulties. Then share your wish to help them build a closer bond with your child. Next, you could invite them to collaborate with you on ways they can build this relationship. For example, if your child enjoys looking at picture books, they could look at picture books together. Because your daughter h