Hi dear, thank you for sharing. You’re going through so much worry and fear, but the main thing I sense is how much you love your baby ❤️. Getting pregnant after chemo is not easy in the first place, and you’ve braved through this for the past 8 months. You are one amazing mummy!!
Please stop googling for now if you can. There’s a lot of information on the web, but also a lot of misinformation, or misunderstood information. Having a dilated kidney can be a result of multiple things, and if the rest of your scan is normal, it’s much less likely to be due to a syndromic cause. The fact that your gynae also says that you can wait till baby’s full term before delivery means that baby’s still doing well inside, producing enough urine, and there’s no immediate need to get baby out to begin investigations. These are all good and hopeful signs that I hope you’ll cling to. Of course, once baby is out, there might be a whole set of tests, and baby may need treatment or medicine. That can, again, cause anxiety even though you knew that these things will happen. It’s normal to feel all these emotions. Half of our lives as parents, we can feel worried about our children.
But here’s what I hope you’ll consider doing...
1. Take it one step and one day at a time. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and what the next result will be. But thinking 10 steps ahead is sometimes just too tiring. Managing one step at a time is much easier and bearable.
2. Focus on joy. When you see your little one soon, celebrate the life that your baby has. Embrace the joy that your baby is going to bring you. I can tell you that if you continue to choose to treasure your little one, the joy you’ll feel with your baby every day will be so immense, and you’ll be in “Fight mode” rather than “Fear mode” every day. You’ll do everything in your power to protect your baby and love him/her fiercely.
My second baby was born without any antenatal scan abnormalities. She was healthy and well other than having jaundice. She had more than 10 blood tests done before it finally resolved after about a month. That wasn’t easy for both her and me to bear, despite it being a common problem.
At 3 months old, during a routine checkup to the polyclinic, the doctor suddenly said she had a heart murmur. This was never picked up before, despite her being examined after birth by multiple paediatricians in the hospital. It led to a paediatric cardiology referral, which took some time to happen. There was a lot of waiting, a lot of “what ifs”, some “why”s too... but above all, I just chose to focus on loving her, praying for her and sharing this burden of worry with friends and family. I was really blessed to meet an excellent cardiologist, and my daughter needed an echocardiogram (heart ultrasound) to check for heart abnormalities. That was very tricky because she couldn’t keep still (she’s one of the most active babies ever 😅) and had previously rejected the milk bottle, so there was no way to calm her down except for me to feed her while they did the echo. In a way, I’m glad I could be right there with her, experiencing the test with her and even the discomfort. In my case, I’m very thankful that her heart is normal, and that the murmur is a physiological one. But even if there was something else, having spent 9 months with her in my tummy and 3 months outside, I would not have regretted having her. I would treasure her even more, and done everything I could to protect her.
Don’t underestimate your love as a mother. You’ll come to see how powerful it is. So I want to wish you CONGRATULATIONS first, because every baby is a miracle and so precious, and every mummy deserves all the love and respect in the world.
Just prayed for you and your baby, and your husband too. May all of you have unending love for one another, have peace and joy in every circumstance, and experience healing, even emotionally.
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