Mummies pls advice me. I am relli veri depressed. I had a shortgun marriage. Kena pregnant before I marry hubby. I was thinking to abort or maybe have the baby but without him, but he convince me to get married cause he both love me and the baby. But the other day I was on his Facebook and I saw his message to his old fren where he say that I was pregnant, so marry me, bo pian. He say he actually want to oredi break up, but I got pregnant. So he just do the right thing. I am very hurt, because I never force him and he was the one kept bugging me to get married. I feel like just throw the divorce paper on his face. Any advice?

Although technically, mine is a shotgun marriage, my wife and I had planned to get married. Pregnancy just fast forward the marriage procedures. I can totally understand when he said 'bobian' and wants to break up. It feels like he chose you not out of love, but out of other factors, including responsibility. If you have the same concept of marriage as me, you agree that love is the foundation of marriage. You are right to feel insecure that the foundation seems missing. I can understand that you are very uncertain about how your marriage will turn out. You don't want to enter into a bad marriage. The truth about every marriage, including mine, is that there will be times neither one feel like loving each other. Sometimes I don't feel so loving, sometimes my wife don't feel so loving, sometimes both of us at same time. But I never forget my vows, in joy and sadness, she is my wife. I never forget that love is not just an emotion, it's a choice that I make every day. It is extremely painful to continue to love when you are already in pain. Those words of 'bobian' must be piercing you, causing your hurts. It is important during the heat of the moment to take a step back. Distance yourself from him for awhile. Stop the conflict and take pause. Recognise that you are hurt by telling yourself, 'yes, I am hurt.' Acknowledgement is the first step to healing your own emotional hurt. Then take comfort in something that you know brings joy. It may be food, or a walk in a park. If possible, find a married couple of at least 10 years, who are neutral in standing, whom you can confide in. You are vulnerable, don't be alone, be in the right kind of support group. Take time to remember that the vows you made is unconditional love. Love is a skill that need to be learnt, and yet impossible to master. When a couple learns to dance, they will step on each other's toes. I'm sure you would ask, will he reciprocate the same love you give? Maybe yes, maybe no. The hardest part is when it is not. When it doesn't, always remember to take a pause and find back your support group. Try to love again. It's an everyday choice you will have to make. From what you describe of your husband, a man who takes responsibility, a man who knows honour, a man who lives to the expectations of the society, a man who insisted on making his marriage vows to you, has a very good chance of being a good husband and father. As wife, learn to bring out that man in him. May God walk along with you as you walk, carry you as you stumble, and bless you always.

As a single mum myself, I've seen so many people getting married because they think it's the "responsible thing" to do - that once a girl is pregnant they have to get married for "the sake of the child". My advice is to talk it out with your husband, find out what the both of you really want in this marriage. Is it a bond just over responsibility? Or is it a bond out of love for each other and your coming newborn? Many people get stuck in marriages because they think they have to give a child a "complete" family. While I do wish I had one for my son, his father told me to abort because he "didn't want to ruin his future" so ... we don't need mem like that. What I'm trying to say is, talking to each other is the best way to sort things out - now and forever - because there's gonna be a whole lot more things you'd worry about when baby comes. If you feel that splitting up is the best decision, go ahead. Being a good parent doesn't mean you have to have a mother and father in a family, it just means you have to have the responsibility to bring your child up well - and teach the right values. Another way to look at it would be from this perspective. If he really doesn't feel the love and commitment to you, what stops him from going out to party or meet other girls while you're home with your child? By that time, all the arguments, quarrels etc would cause so much more hurt to you and your child. If you foresee this happening, please find a way out before your child grows up in an environment where Mummy and Daddy are constantly fighting.

i must say that your husband is a responsible man. Why not have a heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him that you have seen his msgs to his old friend. tell him that you are not angry or going to blame him. tell him the truth about how u r feeling now and how you feel about your future with him. tell him that if the two of you r serious about bringing up your child together as an intact family and if the 2 of u would like to make your marriage work, the 2 of u have to come clean n face it together, n to think of solutions to overcome the current issues. imagine that the 2 of u continue to carry doubts and 2nd guess each other, how can this type of marriage built on rocky foundations last? now, u can still make the marriage work. traditionally, so many ppl in the past go blindly into marriage n still end up happy and long marriage. jia you!

Hi i can understand your situation. Shot gun marriages are difficult on both parties as both were not yet ready to commit. The fact that he did not run away and leave you with the responsibiliy is a positive sign. Like you he is also dealingvwith frustrations. You have a chkld to look after. So whatever you do make sure it is something that will improve your situation and not worsen. Frustrations come and go so we must be careful to check that our actions are not impulsive and short term. One option is divorce. Another could be to build on his sense ofresponsibility and encourage him in that direction. But nothing is easy. Patience, effort and forbearance will always be our strength and asset.

I was also shotgun married , in fact I did use kids to tink to let hym settle down wit me .. wen I found out reali preg, we r happy .. bt aft tat prob came , whenever quarrel he wil say he divorced bt kids put down .. guys is like this , wen problem arise they say all sort of things.. but not to worry cos aft some tym, they will grow up n reali put effort , as they think since alrdy married so they shld put effort .. I was suffering for the first few yrs as he was msgin girl n flirting wit them .. bt aft tat he grow up n stop al this n work reali hard.. sometym it jux take time for them to change ..

Since you are already married, than there is no rush to divorce too. Settle your baby 1st:) there is baby bonus given from government for married couples to help you too, jus remember, you Must be the one register for it and not him, So money will bank in to you. here is a few Qs - do you still love him? - did he abuse you? Beat you? - how is he treating you now? Good? - how is your relation with him now? Good? As long he don't have a girlfriend outside, give him a chance and wait till baby born. Some guys change after being a father.

Speak with him on your thoughts, i believe he will be the best person to explain. Most importantly speak to him main objective is to clarify and not making it a confrontation move. Hope all goes well. I just had a talk with my hub last night, as there had been issues i felt i needed to speak with him. Becos i needed some assurance from him on incidents that have occured and been swept under the carpet for some time. In fact, things went well, he thank me for letting him know. And he gave me his assurances, so all swept under carpet is now being cleared.

First thing.. Cheer up mummy.. Don't feel depressed.. Every baby come for a reason.. I am shortgun marriage too.. At first my Husband will keep thinking I use the kids to tie him down.. But I say to him.. If you think so den o don't need you to be responsible.. I am able to keep my own child even no Husband.. Guess what.. We tried very hard for survive passed 6 years.. Ended nothing is good.. But this is my marriage.. Maybe you should have a talk with him.. Maybe this child of yours will help you improve relationship with your hubby.. Stay positive :)

First try to understand his thought process and for this you need to sit and talk to him and clear out the issues that you are having. Once the baby is out, there will be more responsibilities as parents being a mum and dad and u wouldn’t want to be a single parent raising your kid alone would you ! If things are straightened out with him you could plan ahead of what is going to lie ahead and you may make decisions based on those! Remember the conversation needs to be a discussion based with lower tone of voice and more than you talk try to LISTEN!

Since you are already married, are yourself a few Qs before going divorce. -do u still love him? -thrash it out with him and clear everything, so both of you can decide from there whether to continue or put a stop to it. -let him do the divorce instead, why u wan waste money and bear all this 😝. Save it for ur kid. - actually u are nt losing out, married and divorce, at least u still can subsidy and the necessary benefits. (So look at the brighter side, i mean since already married. I’m the same case, shortgun and married. )