Hi dear, thank you for sharing. I’m just sharing my opinions here okay?
First of all, your first marriage was when you were really young, which means you were made to be independent from a young age. You didn’t get to stay as a kid for as long as many people do, and to experience being loved and taken care of by your parents. On top of that, you became a mum, and spent your time and energy focusing on worrying about your baby. To make things harder, your ex-MIL traumatised you so much, and you even had to fight for freedom and custody of your baby after 10 years. Based on all these, all your fears, insecurities and worries are very real and valid. You’ve had a lot of wounds that are still raw and haven’t healed. Even if you’re in your mid-20s now and are an adult, it doesn’t mean everything automatically becomes alright. Don’t be harsh on yourself for how you’re feeling, and that you haven’t resolved the issues despite trying to seek answers and peace to end your fears.
I’m happy for you that you’ve found a loving husband ❤️. In marriage, we do marry into our spouse’s families as well, and many people do struggle with some differences they have with the in laws. But I believe that doing our best to respect them is something we can do to show love to our spouse. I’ll be honest.. visiting the in laws once a month doesn’t sound like a lot to me, but I know exactly what it’s like to want to protect family time with just our little family. I try to do it a lot too. At the same time, I hope you’ll come to see that no one’s going to steal your husband and baby away from you anymore. The elders really do get lonely (especially with empty nest syndrome) and want to see their children and grandchildren because they care. So this is what I do... when it’s time to visit, I let go of my family members (husband and children) for a while and let them interact with my in laws wholeheartedly, and when it’s not time to visit, I protect that personal family time fiercely. Your husband is your MIL’s son after all. I’m sure he’d want to see her too.. just like you’d want to see your children next time even after they move out.
If you struggle with the visitations so much emotionally, you can practise with video calls, perhaps? Slowly get used to letting your husband/baby interact with your in laws over video calls (but they’re still physically with you), and if you’re willing, also take some time to talk to and get to know your in laws better. Perhaps they want to show love and care to you too, if you’ll let them. This is what family is.. and then you may be happier visiting them once in a while. I know I miss my family too, even though I talk to them on whatsapp.
I just prayed for you, to be able to find the peace that you really need, and no longer be held in fear because of your past. You are dearly loved and precious, okay? If you need someone to talk to, send me an email at faith.n.love@gmail.com