Hi mummies, how do your cope with your confinement? My mum did confinement for me for my no1, it was a terrible experience that we(husband and i) had. She is very strict and traditional. Wants me to wear long sleeves and pants(ok im fine about it) but she doesnt allow me to bathe or on fan especially to slp. I developed rashes on my body and yet she told me that everyone went through that, it is normal to have rashes, after confinement it will go off by itself. I showed her articles frm Eu Yan Sang stating about the myths of not bathing etc, even approach my own trusted tcm clinic sinseh which all the while he is our tcm sinseh since young said that it is ok to bathe and keep myself clean, as long as i dry myself thoroughly after bathe. Also, avoid direct contact with the wind(frm fan and aircon), all these are fine. Yet my mum still denies and said all these are rubbish. I had several heated arguments with her alrd. Now with no2, im stress about confinement again so is my husband. Food wise every meals are the same. No plain water, no fruits no veg(only selected 1 or 2 choices) She nags and nags, i know she meant well but how to survive with her "logic". Ok, everyday my meals definitely comes with ginger with steamed fish and a plate of rice, good times there will be additional 1 plate of ginger with broccoli. Thats all. She cooked the same every meal for lunch and dinner, expecting me to finish all the food. She says no soup, soup bla bla bla like not gd or i cant drink soup. After probably 10days im really sick of the food and couldnt even eat any yet she nags and scolds non stop. Complaining to all her friends and relatives abt hw "disobeying" i am. Then some of her nosy friends will add on to the nagging. I don't know what else can i do or say to change her mind or even negotiate with her. It is really horrible experience on my end. Trustable source and tcm i hav also approached and showed it to her. I am really stress about my confinement than anything else. Her best line is " i also survived, you think you are the only one doing confinement? Confinement is meant to have discipline. Whether you like it or not ok! I am doing for your own gd, you not happy then leave" :( Any advise please

Wah that’s really extreme! So scary! My SIL is currently doing confinement and my bro doesn’t wanna engage CL for her, cos my mum wanna do for her. From the start I already “pity” my SIL cos if me I sure cannot tahan my mum. But good thing my SIL super mild tempered and nice (unlike me). She wanted CL lah but prob couldn’t say no. Since my mum even teaches classes on how to cook confinement food. Actually overall she’s quite ok (from what I see when I went over to visit). But it’s her mouth and thoughts. Can be quite hurting esp for someone who just went thru giving birth and might have to go thru PND if too emotionally stressed. My mum kept harping on the fact why babies cannot drink plain water (nurses advice against it for first 6 months I think) and said last time the kids like us also drink and nothing happen. Blah blah blah. And though initially she’s ok with my SIL doing BF. But supply hasn’t kick in much I guess and she kept complaining behind her back to us why my SIL so rigid dowana give FM. Arghhh. If it’s me I will go crazy at her comments. Got a whole lot of others but thank God I’m not living with them to see or hear. And currently preggers now too but right from the start I know I WILL NOT want my mum to do it for me. Sure quarrel big time though I know her food sure super yummy. I rather spend money for help. Good thing not staying with them too. So she prob won’t come over to stay and look after. She’s prob getting Sian and tired doing the CL now for my SIL (she loves going out everyday but seems like she’s been busy the past couple of weeks 🙊) So actually, if u can, just like why others suggest, engage CL or cater the food! And come on! Sure gotta bathe! Hygiene for baby! Esp if u BF! SG so hot leh! Jia you!!

Wow! I must say ur mother is quite extreme. I think u are already pretty fair about showing her trusted sources about it but she won't budge. Frankly I am not picky abt food but I cannot imagine no veg for so long and eating almost the same everyday. DON'T involve her for the upcoming confinement. Hire a confinement lady! I don't think u are still living w her right? Do at ur own place or ur in-law place but be the boss and not be bossed around. Other ways to handle will be to order confinement carter food, get a nanny, or get a maid and ask ur husband to take leave for 2 wks. The so called for ur own good is based on ur experience and all the hear say - no real backing. Just because it turn out well for a few doesn't mean it will for others. Why risk a very potential experience? She is welcomed to visit but not welcomed to stay too long or poke her nose into ur confinement. It's alrdy ur second confinement, by right if need be, u can bath and see baby a little here and there. Other ways to involve but not involve her is to suggest putting the number one at her house or ask her to bring the older one out a few times a wk for a few hrs

My MIL did my confinement with me (she insisted despite my protest) but I think having a CL is better. At least you can tell her off if she does stupid nonsense. I even got a helper to help my MIL and do the household chores so my MIL does not need to bother about the chores but MIL not happy. Keep bitching about my helper and then complaining to my SIL behind my back. My SIL scolded me for making her mom look after my LO 24/7 (hello, she insisted to help take care of my LO) Really made my blood boil. I suffered from PND because of these interferences. 2 weeks into my confinement I shifted back to my parents place and brought my helper along. It’s was peaceful and I was able to rest as my parents are not so strict on traditions and all that confinement nonsense. I bath every single day. My parents helper was also a very good cook and she cook all my meals. Moreover I was away from my MIL and my interfering SIL.

Never let your mum help with confinement again for no2. Having a baby is already very tired and the weather in sg is hot and humid which means is a must to bathe and wash hair. Having rashes is NOT normal, being dirty how to take care of little ones.... Those no showering saying is only for olden times China where there is no hot water and during winter where it's cold and u don't sweat. If you must do confinement, get a confinement lady. If not, it's not a must to have one nor do confinement too. Coz some CL also does cause headaches for the mummy... Otherwise get a part time helper to cook and clean the house for you but you take care of little ones by yourself. Nothing is perfect and you gotta weight the pros n cons. For me, I won't want to spoilt my relationship with my mum and make myself sad, angry, uncomfortable so I rather forgo the unnecessary confinement.

For my first baby I had a confinement lady which went thru what you all went thru but I bath quietly without her knowledge if not she's nags. I'm ok as long she can takecare my Baby but she can't- alwiz make my baby reflux and vomit coz over feeding. Her cooking not fantastic either. In the end, I took over. Wasted money to pay her wages and not cheap $2.7k. For my second baby, we don't want any confinement lady or help from others; we do our own although very tiring but no commotion. 1. I ordered confinement food which is good - daily red dates longan tea and meals with soup 2. TCM herbs soup for 30days - slow cook 3. Bath Herbal from TCM It's works for me but same time taking care of two rather tiring ( 1 1/2 yrs old and a newborn) ; just a short period of time - endure. All the best to you and congrats Being a mom not east but mothers' love is great

My mother also imposed similar rules so i can feel your pain. After a few days I couldn't take it anymore and just broke all the rules. We fought a lot about it, I had PND which made it so much worse and basically broke down crying and locked myself in the room. My mother apologised and was more lenient afterwards. A lot of confinement rules are outdated or just outright unscientific and there's no proof it actually helps with anything. Plus being a new mother is difficult enough and PND can be dangerous so it's terrible of anyone to put you through this kind of stress. Our parents want the best for us but you need to let them know you're an adult who can make her own decisions, whatever the outcome might be. A lot of Asian parents like to control their children. Hang in there mummy and if you're able to, get a confinement lady as others suggested. All the best!

Hi, I can understand that your mother is very traditional and the things that she has asked you to do and the meals that she offers is something that happens in my home too. I mean I have seen my aunts doing that to their DILs. And I personally do not see any harm in following all this provided the woman is agreeing to it. If the new mother is not approving of this then the whole point of proving comfort to her is defeated. Because in the name of taking care, and traditional confinement, you are stressing the new mom so much that whatever good the confinement lady is doing is irrelevant. I think, if confinement rules are making the woman stressed then there is no point in following them.

I definitely wouldn’t do CL again, more stress than help with her old wives tales. I knew my mom was gonna be a disaster so she was never an option. I mean, they just want the best for us, but in a non-scientific way. I didn’t wanna sore our relationship (because I absolutely must bathe), and so I just secretly bathe whenever she isn’t around. Lol. I’d think cater for food and since it’s your second, you prob can handle it better. Just make sure you get some form of help (either in chores or caring for baby in the day) so you get sufficient rest.

Where will your No.1 be when you under go confinement? I am having my no.3 in july, this time my two kids will be in childcare, i am thinking of getting confinement catering and usually handle the baby myself day and night. If you are able to communicate and come to a better term with your mom, it would be better, if not hire a confinement lady, she will be able to help. But some confinrment lady are pretty strict with their 'rules' too. Look for reviews and all.

Sigh, I'm gonna be like u. Ftm here. N i know my mom has those tradition thinking. And right now (halfway thru my pregnancy) I'm arguing with her. I tried to educate her that olden days can't shower because they got no heater, can't on fan cuz they got no aircon (I believe fan is more directly blowing). I quit my job and my hub is the only income we can't afford CL. She even ask me only can wash (damp) my hair once a week after first 12 days -.-!!! Sigh.