32 Replies
i almost cld not believe wat i was reading.. i feel u. cant imagine in this day n age, wives r still expected to 'serve' in-laws. i m ok with treating in-laws with love and respect but never never in a subservient way. we women/dil also have dignity. it sounds like ur mil has a certain expectation of u. have you been submissive towards her for a long time? this could have caused her to assume that she can lord it over u such that u cant call ur soul ur own. firstly, u hav to set the expectations right. b very firm. the next time she expects u to pour tea again, make a show of filing the teapot full with tea or placing it beside her n saying :"nah mum, I've filled up the teapot beside u, u can fill ur teacup anytime u want" and then leave the scene n do not appear for some time. let ur actions b respectful but at the same time show ur expectations. if ur mil complains to ur husband, i agree that ur husband has to b the one telling ur mil. if u were to tell her directly, she may hate u. but if it is her precious son, she may reflect on her actions. i know cos i hav a brother and my mom can b like that.. i hope ur husband is supportive. i hope he does not expect his wife to 'serve' him n his family. i love to do things for my husband but it is strictly a 'whenever i want to or feel like it' kind of thing, it cannot b a 'u r expected to do it' kind of thing. wat i mean is- tell ur husband "i dont mind pouring tea for mil but it cannot b an expectation. mil cannot b angry if i dont do it. i am not a slave, neither am i a paid domestic worker. u married me for love, not to gain an extra helper. i m half a daughter to ur mum but wat ur mum expects of me now is not wat a mum would expect her daughter to do'
You have to and should be strong enough to be firm about this with your husband. Say you can not go along with whatever your mil expects. If you are firm......and not flexible, then only he will understand the gravity of your situation. And if mil still continues this way....then I see no other alternative than saying it firmly to mil directly. Please do not be afraid. Always remember you have a right to rest and a stress free life, especially with a baby.
Have you talked to your husband about this? Does he also expect you to do this for his mother? If this is so you should make him understand how you feel about it. Maybe next time when your mil ask you for tea, bring the whole pot to her. She'll get the idea that you couldn't be bothered with :-) Also, in situations like this, I find that the best solution is to have your own place.
i find it ridiculous . not say ur MIL cannot move or have any disabled if she is i dun mind do it forever . for me few time it ok as a respect . to the extent of daily or always u got to fill up the tea for her. if she wan pp to serve her . i will just ask my hubby to do. let her complain . if u thing u have done enough stand firm. dun let her climb over ur head.
Perhaps try to have a chance to talk to her calmly. Or get your Husband to be the one to serve her? I can understand your frustration but perhaps due to different culture and standard of living so there would be misunderstand and miscommunication. Just try to be positive and work together with your Husband to solve the problems together.
Just have a chat with your husband that this is not your role to pour tea for your Mother in law and get his support. Also inform your in law that your focus will be raising your baby and that you will not be able to pour her tea just like you did before giving birth. Your hubby’s support will be very important here
i will choose to ignore her. or probably fill her tea up with alot of tea leaves. lol . thats the issue of being too nice and tame during dating times. i always ask my friends to show their true colors t their mil before getting married.
if I'm you I'll tell my husband about it. if my husband cannot do anything I'll do the thing. I'm sorry to say that we also have parents as well. imagine what if our parents know? they'll be heart broken. stand up for yourself.
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U just had a baby and need to rest If she needs u to help her make tea make it let the whole world know u made it for her the tea fill her cup leave the tea pot next to her tea cup and give it to her.