Feels like my baby taken away from me

honestly when it comes to in laws or even parents, it’s always such a fine line between being considered “rude” and just voicing out. if you ask me though - priorities should be on your baby and you should be firm on your point. yes it might offend the in laws but it’s something you have to establish that “hey this is my child and yes you raised your son well but let me raise mine my way.” if you don’t establish this ground, you will realise you don’t actually get to raise your child your way. just voice out to your hubby and say hey we both gotta realign our thinking as parents and be firm that the child is raised according to how we want to not our parents way. yes parents will provide insight but ultimately it’s your choice. i hope this provides clarity for you. don’t think of it as you being insensitive, it’s just your priorities isn’t just you or your hubby anymore but your child first. if there is an avid smoker all the more the baby shouldn’t be there. what is more important - your in laws “happiness” or your child’s health? that’s always the question you should have when you are facing such decisions ok?

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Hey there, I don't think you're overthinking or being sensitive. It's understandable that you feel this way. And we all know how husbands prefer to sweep such issues under the carpet because it's awkward to broach it to their parents, leaving the wives stuck with the issue without solution. In any case, the fact your FIL smokes in his house regardless of baby, would be a total deal-breaker for me. You have valid grounds to insist you bring baby to your place, for the baby's health. Inform them of the dangers of an infant inhaling second hand smoke, show them proof and articles if you must. Make them understand. And perhaps consider infant care if you really cannot reach a middle ground with your in-laws.