My relationship with my mom makes me not want to have children

I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my mom for a long time, and it's making me seriously reconsider having children of my own. Growing up, my mom was always critical and controlling, which left me feeling inadequate and constantly seeking her approval. Even now, as an adult, I find myself affected by her words and actions, which often lead to anxiety and self-doubt. I see my friends having children and embracing parenthood, but the idea of becoming a parent fills me with fear. I worry that I might repeat the same patterns and unintentionally hurt my own children the way my mom has hurt me. I want to break this cycle, but I’m not sure how to overcome these fears and build a healthy family environment. To make matters worse, my mom keeps asking me when I’m going to have children, as if she’s done the best job being a mother. I hate her for putting that pressure on me. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope with these feelings and make a decision about having children? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

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I believe many of us grew up with our parents not knowing how best to guide us or to discipline us. With the limited resources and role models, they just follow what they are familiar with - shouting and punishing us to get immediate obedience. It is understandable with the negative experiences, you do not wish to have children. However, these days, there's many positive parenting approaches out there to equip parents to help parents to nurture our children well. That's a start to break the cycle of the environment and/or culture we grew up in. There are also books in the library which you can borrow to read up. Joining parenthood communities will also help. Hope these info can alleviate your fear in following your mum's methods if you ever decides to have a child of your own.

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