My relationship with my mom makes me not want to have children

I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my mom for a long time, and it's making me seriously reconsider having children of my own. Growing up, my mom was always critical and controlling, which left me feeling inadequate and constantly seeking her approval. Even now, as an adult, I find myself affected by her words and actions, which often lead to anxiety and self-doubt. I see my friends having children and embracing parenthood, but the idea of becoming a parent fills me with fear. I worry that I might repeat the same patterns and unintentionally hurt my own children the way my mom has hurt me. I want to break this cycle, but I’m not sure how to overcome these fears and build a healthy family environment. To make matters worse, my mom keeps asking me when I’m going to have children, as if she’s done the best job being a mother. I hate her for putting that pressure on me. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope with these feelings and make a decision about having children? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

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I have experienced the same as you, luckily, it is just the way my mom express love (over protecting and controlling), I know for sure she loves me very much. I did have many arguments with her and share my expectation to her, but she was unable to fully understand. There is still a good point, she understand parts of it, and it is good enough for me. I decided to forgive my mom and forgive myself for hurting her in some way and move on. I try to talk to her that some of her actions/ words hurt me and how to do it better. It will not change immediately, but I will try. Sometimes I also cannot keep myself cool. I think it is a way for me to practice gentle parenting by being a gentle child to my mom. This practice helps me believe that I can be a good parent. And I believe I did, I have an adorable two year-old daughter now. I wish I can have one more soon.

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