My relationship with my mom makes me not want to have children

I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my mom for a long time, and it's making me seriously reconsider having children of my own. Growing up, my mom was always critical and controlling, which left me feeling inadequate and constantly seeking her approval. Even now, as an adult, I find myself affected by her words and actions, which often lead to anxiety and self-doubt. I see my friends having children and embracing parenthood, but the idea of becoming a parent fills me with fear. I worry that I might repeat the same patterns and unintentionally hurt my own children the way my mom has hurt me. I want to break this cycle, but I’m not sure how to overcome these fears and build a healthy family environment. To make matters worse, my mom keeps asking me when I’m going to have children, as if she’s done the best job being a mother. I hate her for putting that pressure on me. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope with these feelings and make a decision about having children? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

Vô danh

7 Replies

Write a reply

I didn't exactly have a happy childhood growing up back then. I too was questioning myself If i can ever be a good parent as I have low self-esteem. However, I decided to use it as a motivation to become a better person to my future child and to make amends to the child inside me of what I lacked during that period of growing up. Facing my inner demons is the only way to break out of my own prison. What I didn't like to be treated back then I would also not do the same to my child etc negative discipline. I'm now a mother of a 5yo girl and have a 2nd one due in a few months. Even as a mother, I'm not perfect either as I have my flaws as well but it's how you communicate your actions and thoughts with your child that matters. It's a neverending learning journey. Don't feel pressured by your mother to have one if you are not ready. Perhaps having a good talk with her about how you felt those years might untie the knot in your heart. She might not have realised that her way of bringing you up has such adverse effects.

6 Replies

Home Just Mums ive been struggling