8 Replies
This is a topic which my husband and I discuss very often. He has 1 older and 1 younger sibling. Recently, my mil was diagnosed with a very rare disease and has to go through a major op. But because he has 2 other siblings, the 3 of them took turn to visit and accompany my mil in the hospital, bring her for reviews after her op and we all took turns to take care of her when she was back home. After this, I guess our decision whether to have 1 kid or more is pretty much in sync. If we stop at 1, this poor kid will have to take care of 2 elderly in future (of cos we will save and make plans for our own retirement) but I guess not everything is within our control. I hope my future kids will have each other's back and someone whom they can confide in from young. If you and your hubby decided to concentrate on this little one, maybe you can bring him out to mingle with other kids more often so that he is more extrovert and making friends in future is a breeze. Arrange play dates with neighbour and you and your kid get to know more people too! As the Chinese saying goes, 在家靠父母，出外靠朋友. :) In the meantime, enjoy all the little moments with your prince! They grow up too fast!
I think as ur kid grows older, will have more opportunities for play dates because they will WANT to have them! And start being proactive at childcare centre and take initiative to say hi to the other mummies and make small talk and then gradually get number to WhatsApp and then ask them out for coffee or something. It's easier that way because you have common topic and your Son would already know them. :) Otherwise see your clique of friends, meet up more often (excuse to hang out with your friends!) and bring kids along! They can go indoor playground while the mummies chill at cafe. Or like some of my mummy friends, bring their kids go KTV with them. Haha :) Community events also good idea, like those movie nights, bbq, playgroups etc. Of course it will mean you need to take initiative to make small talk first unless you're lucky enough someone else make small talk with you. Cos for me I too shy usually to make small talk, and people always say I look fierce. Haha. :x Anyway as I said earlier, don't worry. When go to nursery, kindergarten and primary school, he will make his own group of friends la. :)
Jus to share that before I have my 2nd child (he is currently 9 months old), I wanted to have a second child but my hubby is keen to have 1 only . I worry that he will be lonely and also tends to be self centered as he is the only child and only grandchild . I also think when we grow old, he might be burdened to have to care for two old folks. Finally convinced my hubby to have a second child. After having two kids, though at this phase of our lives we are very busy as they are both young , but I feel better knowing that they have each other as company when we grow old. My elder one has grown to be more responsible , loving and really takes very good care of his baby bro. Total change in his character. I see more good in having 2 kids. But each family has their own unique situation and if u do choose to have 1 kid, can arrange for play date with your frens who have kids of similar ages. Or the mommy forum .
Our generation does not have many childcare around, more like taken care by mothers or grandparents. Hence, an only child tend to be more selfish or does not know how to share. Perhaps can bring your child to childcare. A childcare environment is still the best, I feel. Teachers have more time to focus on them & also learn how to care & share. :) But not those 2-3hour class when teachers have to rush through the lesson plans. These r feedback to me by real childcare teachers. I knock off at 530 everyday & still feel the time spent on him is not well-enough, let alone having more kids. Regardless how many children u have, it's better to start saving for retirement as the children will face future struggles, competition and own life to live upon. Just my 2 cents worth of tots. I better go find more activities for him first... His energy level is forever high! :p
My kids are 5 years apart. Younger one is only 2 months plus. It took us a Long time to decide to have #2 cos like you, we were happy with one child and life was good. But she kept asking for a sibling and we also found her very lonely. She would look longingly at other people with siblings and that broke my heart. In the end we decided to try for #2. Sometimes hubby and I ask each other why are we going through all these newborn problems all over again when our elder one is already so independent. We can do so many things together, watch movie, sleep in etc. But with a newborn, our lives are all haywire again. But every time I see my 2 girls interact, although very limited at this stage, I know we did the right thing. The way jiejie sayang her meimei and the way meimei looks at jiejie when she talks to her makes me melt.
I am absolutely not keen for another child. My husband is an only child and he is sub consciously selfish without knowing it. He also mentioned about being very lonely and not knowing how to interact when younger. He also said it is very stressful for one person to care for two elderly. I have had various friends tell me they changed their minds when they see their kid not knowing how to share. I am still on the fence and everyday I change my mind about my decision
Yes, very much so a thought I frequently obsess over. I'm worried that my daughter will grow up lonely with no one to play with. I can suggest that you start getting involved in your child's school and start mingling with a lot of parents! Bring your child to a lot of extra curriculars and community events!
I wanted only one child but my hubb wanted more. Now I have 3 boys and no regret. Having more kids a challenging but when we raise them up together, it is like the real society. Everyday life they learn to take turns and shares.
Jess-Yanling Low