I'm a FTM and my baby just turned one month yesterday. My husband managed to take a month of leave and he has been very very helpful. We take turns attending to baby at night and we do house chores together. However, sometimes I just break cos it is so difficult to take care of a newborn. The lack of sleep doesn't help. The pain of breast feeding. Sometimes makes me feel inadequate because my baby cries when my milk is too much cos she will cough and gag. It's overwhelming when she cries and nothing is able to soothe her. Sometimes I can't help but to feel so helpless. I can't help to think of how much life has changed for me and wondering why am I still struggling to adapt to my baby. I cry when I feel like I'm not a good enough mother. I cry when I have no clue on how to soothe my baby. I cry so so easily. I also tend to be moody and have no interest in things that I used to enjoy doing.
Today was the first time I took care of baby alone as husband is starting work again. Everything was fine in morning and afternoon. Baby was manageable just that I didn't manage to nap cos I was paranoid that I wouldn't be able to hear or wake up when baby cries. In the evening, baby started to cry and was quite difficult to soothe her. She cried when I was breastfeeding her as of my milk supply was too much for her and she did cough. I cried cos I was so afraid that I'm just causing harm to my baby and am a worthless mother. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but motherhood is so difficult. I feel so drained, tired, worthless.