Get A Helper Or Be A SAHM?

I have 2 children and a full time job. I went back to work after maternity leave for my first child, and because my job’s really tough, sometimes I hardly saw her. When I got home at night (for 6 months of being a working mum), I would cuddle her and let her breastfeed for as long as she wanted, and during the night too. I missed her a lot while I was at work and relied on photos/videos sent to me. Of course, breastfeeding through the night meant I was always tired at work too, as I still continued to go early to pump milk, and carve out time through the day to pump, sometimes skipping proper meals. Missing milestones was hard, but getting through work days when my baby was sick at home was even harder. Another thing about her was that she rejected bottle feeding terribly for the first month, and would rather starve till I got home. That was heartbreaking. One of the hardest things for me was when I decided to stop breastfeeding. My husband had weaned her off night feeds and she slept through the night at about 11 months old, so she didn’t need to latch on when I got home anymore. I cried the last time I fed her, because I knew I would miss that bond with her, although I could rest more. Thereafter, I gradually had to get used to new roles I played as her mother — friend, counsellor, mediator— as she grew up. She got used to me working a lot, but I always tried to make full use of the time we had together. My first child loves me a lot and although she occasionally mentions she wants me to stay with her and not work, most of the time she’s very supportive, and welcomes me home excitedly when I’m back. I’m doing something differently with my second child. I’m currently on no pay leave, and planning to do so for some months. The past few months of being a fulltime mum has been crazy, tiring but so fulfilling! I will need to go back to work eventually, and it’s also not my personality to physically stay at home all the time, but I’m happy to make some sacrifices during this period because I feel this time with my baby and toddler is so precious, and I’ll never be able to have it again. Guess what? Baby #2 also refuses the bottle. Lol. So I’m glad my husband and I have more time to do bottle training and sleep training, etc, before I eventually go back to work. Sorry for the long post, but essentially, whether you choose to be a SAHM or working mum, it’s difficult both ways, and also fulfilling both ways. Whichever you choose, you can still be an awesome mum to your baby! I’ve had a lot of mum-guilt as a working mum, but I’m grateful my elder child has already reminded me time and again that there’s no need for it:) All the best to you!

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Me too in dilemma about this for quite a long time. I enjoy taking care of my baby but infant care really takes up most of my time and I’ve not been able to take care of myself. Every time I’m in lounge wear at home or laundry piling up, cold lunch on the table and can only eat at around 3pm if the baby gets cranky. So after comparing helper, ifc and nanny, i decided to put her to a nanny. Husband wasn’t very happy at first but I finally found some time of my own and go back to work. I don’t earn much but I can have some money for my personal expense and I gain a bit “self value” in my life. But some people do enjoy being a SAHM, so it’s up to you, if you want to be one or go back to work and earn $$ a few more years. Whichever is right for you :-)

I love my baby but to be honest it is extremely tiring to spend time with the baby for a whole day, since you need to pay full attention to baby and cannot get anything else done. Plus to be honest it gets kinda boring 😅. I really admire SAHM because I really can't do it. It is a big sacrifice to devote yourself fully to your child, and while being a working mom is not easy either I feel it's better for my own mental wellbeing. Plus I don't think working means I can't be there for my child, I still spend time with her after work and fully on weekends and I guess it makes the time we spend together more special and precious. It is no easy choice so just want to give my perspective as a working mom but it's your own decision to make. Good luck!

Just wanted to update everyone that I'm back at work for 2 weeks now.. On the first day, I did miss baby badly. But after that, omg, I felt a sense of relief as I got to go back to being more human(eat on time, bathe on time etc). I guess I'm not suited to stay all day with baby. I really thought that staying at home and care for baby all day was my final decision. Now I understand. My mental health got better after starting work. Not every mum is the same , so let's continue supporting each other with the different decision we make. Also, due to this virus, I got the chance to work from home while my mum cares for the baby temporarily while waiting for Helper. Thank u guys for the sharing and advises.❤️❤️

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I stayed home for 1 year to take own of #1. Finances wise is one issue. But my husband did gave me allowance. But the freedom of spending your own money is different plus the stress of a sahm is no joke. At 1 year I went back to work and my mom took over the care thereafter. But I changed workplace nearer toy mom's place. And I changed again when I placed her to cc so I can cut down the travel time from 1 hour to 30mins to 15mins

I have the same thought before. My gf did it for her kids being a SAHM. You do not have time for yourself even if u are sick, u gotta be there. I do think is a good thing watching them grow and witness the milestones. But for me, I Guess I will go and work for money and also being independent and giving my child a better life.

I hope to be able to choose to be sahm, which is a blessing to have such an option. I cannot as am main source of income and earner for the family, hubby earn much less. He will never be this small and young again. I speak like these because i was cared by granny as parents had to work.