Sino ang pipiliin ko

Question

Im 30F his 45M. His my first bf , father of my child. Lahat up & downs , surpassed mga cheating nya at ako. Lahat tlga nabago nya at ako. Ako sa financial lahat , house xa. Ako nasusunod nmn lahat siguro kasi ako may work. Dahil my needs din xa as tao kahit naman mga wife ganun my basic needs so ako rin sa eye glass sa ipon damit ganun. Pinili ko un eh kasi mas malaki ako kumita. But as time goes by kahit na good nmn xa sa bahay naasikaso ako parang boss at asikaso anak ko plus 3 kapatid ko nasakin ako bumubuhay. Nawala ung confidence ko sa kanya. I even tried to say magwork xa to help me pero like sinasabi nya magttry xa pero d xa gumagawa. Nakipaghiwalay ako at nkita ko sobrang broken nya. I gave him ung motor at pero 150k para makapagstart. Almost 1year na wala pa rin xa work at kumikita sa bigo live lang. I am still hoping namagbago xa gusto ko mabuo family anak ko at namimiss ko rin paano nya ko asikasuhin pero ung thought na ganun xa financially ang hirap tlaga. D rin nagbbgay samin sa anak nya kasi wait ko daw makaahon xa slowly nabalitaan ko na may kausap xa na babae. Gusto nya ung tatanggapin kung anu ung kaya nya ibigay na serbisyo at magtulungan sila like bakit ganun ako? I still cling sa feeling na kung pano ako ka emotionally feeling safe sakanya i can talk lahat at iniintindi at asikaso nya ko akala ko xa na talaga pero ako napagod tapos ako nakipaghiwalay pero im still hoping. Fastforward may bf 25M nako His family dont approved sakin as i have so many baggage 1child 3siblings ngproposed na rin 6months na kami. He provides na sakin full cost sa finances sa bahay kahit wala matira sakanya , financially wala nmn problem pero pag may problem is wala xa bilib sakin kaya bahay lang ako gusto nya sa lahat pagprovide maging housewife lang ako pero hirap hingian for my basic needs nmn. Emotionally unavailable siya, always work pagkakaperahan isip. Pag i talk about how i feel he invalidates me like always feelings ko nmn his doing his duty naman daw . His trying naman i can feel it kahit di xa sweet talaga pero his trying. Mali magcompare walang perfect i know. I feel more safe sa ex ko emotionally meron ako peace of mind but im in my maculine energy na i need to provide financially as long as d xa magstep up. But with my current fiance , i dont need to work for money just work for his parents approval or his attention. I need some advice hurtful man of what i need to have others perspective din kasi may heart n mind magulo.

Isolde Quirante · Answer

Anak, this is heavy and Im glad youre thinking it through carefully, hindi ito decision na dapat mabilis. Pero honestly, I have to say: this isnt really a which guy question, its a what do I need for myself question , and thats the one you need to answer first before choosing either. A few of us mums in our circle have been in similar spots, and the pattern weve seen is, kapag nag-jump tayo from one person to another without fixing whats broken inside us first , we end up repeating the same hurt, just with different faces. Both situations make you feel needed in ways that arent healthy , your ex made you the provider while he struggled, your current one wants you small and dependent. Neither one is actually meeting you as a whole person who deserves peace AND security AND emotional safety AND to be valued. You deserve all four, hindi ka dapat mag-pick between them. Before you decide, maybe talk to someone you really trust, or even a counselor if you can, about what you actually need to feel whole, independent of what either man can offer. Because right now, it sounds like your heart and mind are pulled in different directions, at ikaw ang nasisirang-sira. Thats the real issue, hindi kung sino ang pipiliin. Youre strong, youre a provider, youre thoughtful, pero you also need to be loved as you are, not despite your situation. Kaya mo yan.