Drawing boundaries - In laws

I don't have any good suggestions because I'm also also facing something similar. I did lodge with my in laws for confinement, as I had to switch to another confinement nanny that I don't know of due to covid restrictions. The stay itself was sort of helpful as the nanny was really terrible and I had extra eyes to supervise the nanny. I totally get that with hormones, things feel a lot worse. I had different in laws walking in on my pumping/ bf. They are very very nice too and wants to be involved in baby's life but I genuinely just want space because that's how I was brought up. I know they don't have ill intentions too. i moved home after confinement and I used to visit them every other day but as my baby grew, her sleep demands changed and I brought her over less. They don't barge into the house but I do feel conflicted sometimes. When they do see her, I don't get to hold my baby most of the time. Even when she's upset they'll try to console her (good and bad lah it you ask me). I've also heard comment that if they had a car seat they'll bring 'kidnap' baby to their home. Actually my own mum asked for my house access which I refused. We try to bring over for dinner but almost without fail my baby will miss her bedtime and/or becomes too tired she has epic meltdowns after visits so I really really dread visits. When they do visit they respect our time and will leave after a short while. I find it harder to extract ourselves. Sometimes but I can't help but feel that if you want a baby so much, make one yourself; my baby my rules. I tell myself it's still two families' or different individual's world views / beliefs / values after all and to let things slide as much as possible. I also take it as opportunities to learn not to be annoying to other mamas 😅 I hope you come to some consensus on the visitation. I know it's hard. Hang in there!

I'm almost 4 months pp now. Right after delivery they bombarded my house and were causing a ruckus that I close myself and baby in the room in the verge of tears. Since I felt raw and vulnerable, they really caused me unrest and anxiety. My father in law even walk in on me trying to bf. Besides, baby needs to rest so I didn't appreciate them making so much noise. After that, they found many ridiculous reasons to come 2-3 times a week. It doesn't help that they make irritating comments about how I look or over small things like how I ran out of eggs etc. Now that I'm months pp, I feel a sense of anger and anxiety towards even the idea of them. I somehow felt scarred and hurt by their actions that I fear the experience of the next child. We are in total good terms but just that there's this thing in my heart that I can't let go. until now they have backed off a little but still make remarks like how we don't show them baby enough etc. Also, I want to add that they force me to let them fetch me to gynae appt when I was preggers. it was worst at the start when I just got married, my mil would call me few times a day everyday while I was working. I told my hub once I couldn't tolerate anymore, when he told her off she continued, then when we were out eating, while my hub went to order the food, my fil told me I must answer my mil phone calls. WTF. Many many instances like this, it is endless. My point is, they are nice, TOO nice, they wanna squeeze into our lives. And now I feel so much anxiety when Sunday is coming around and we have to meet them or that they are coming to our house. if we go out eat, they will auto invite themselves to our house. and if they come to our house, they will refuse to leave even after several hours.

I think you should stick to a visiting schedule that you are comfortable with and one that you can handle without feeling too overwhelmed and wanting to snap. If that means, only once a week, so be it. Just give an excuse that since you’re in the 3rd trimester now, you are feeling more tired than ever and need to sleep early like 9am and that the doctor advised you to rest more etc. I think it’s normal to feel very protective over your baby especially if it’s the first child. Since you have a maid and a confinement nanny, I think there’s enough help around in the house... but an extra pair of eyes to supervise the maid once the confinement is over, will be helpful. Newborn phase is tough and exhausting. You can consider having your in-laws help out more with the baby after 3 months... so the maid can do other household chores.. and when you are ready to get back to work.

Hi, I’m pregnant and staying with my in laws so I can understand your concerns and frustration. One way I keep myself sane when they get on my nerves is to tell yourself that they have good intentions eg asking you to eat more (cos you’re pregnant) and keep asking when you’re visiting again (cos they probably miss their son and they definitely like you as their dil otherwise they wouldn’t look forward to the next visit). Don’t force yourself to eat when you’re full, tell them nicely and firmly that you’re full and you’ll feel miserable later if you stuff yourself and tell them not to cook so much. With the leftover food after a few visits, they’ll likely to reduce the food they cooked. I don’t suggest asking them to visit, cos it’s easier for you to leave their house than to get them out of your house.

Your in laws really sounds like mine. If we make excuses, there will always be Sunday where they would come over. I’m currently pregnant and have a two year old kid. So my pregnancy hormones became worst and I get suffocated every single week when I met them. I too have good relationships with my in laws. Stick to the just once a week meet-up. My in laws did “snatch” my baby every-time they met. I cant even hold hands with my baby. They got sensitive when I “snatch” my baby back. It feels like they know everything. But thank god for once a week meet up. At least I can breathe. Learn to say no. Else, make excuses. For every single time they come over my house on Saturday, they wanna sleepover. I’m lucky my husband is on the same page. So he will make excuses and tell them privately for them not to sleep over.

Hi! My in laws are really nice and I'm lucky they only drop by for short visits everyday as they stay nearby. So I don't face the issues you mentioned. I've two kids now (1.5 years n 4 years old) and they always look forward to visiting grandparents on weekends. Really glad to see the closeness and bonds they have. Just wanna inject some positivity and thought you might want to focus more on good stuff :) Perhaps it might help to look at things in the long run. Few years down the road while looking back at the current situation it might not be that bad :) I do have tough days with my in laws too but this is what keeps me going. Hope it helps! Stay happy and enjoy this journey with your baby ❤️❤️

Hi mummy sorry to say that from the way I read. I think you have to be mentally prepare more to come. My in laws are nice initially but when the arrival of my baby things change. My mil always think that this baby belongs to her. They are inexperienced in taking care of baby but always act clever I tolerate so much until I explode and they decided to snatch my baby with me by giving me a lawyer letter. My hub believes in things she act infront of him and didn't believe things she done behind his back to me. All I can say is either you guys sit down have a talk with them make them understand first and respect you. This is to prevent unhappiness in future.

my story happen after giving birth. my in law stay very far away from me but they came every 2 day to see baby when I'm in my confinement totally no respect and they don't understand I'm tired I need rest until I exploded. my piece of advice to you ask your hub to tell them straight that you have a maid and confinement nanny they can come and visit but don't do it too frequently as you and baby need to rest. hopefully they can only visit like once a week. and emphasize to them that you're very tired to travel around why not they can come to your place have dinner full stop. you really got to draw line now if not more issue will happen

Staying with mil. I thought I would be able to raise my kid living in her house. But after giving birth, I realised it is crap. I do not need unnecessary comments from her and I realise I shall not allow her to interfere with how I raise my child. I bought a house immediately after confinement to move out after 3 months. As she has diff diet from us, she also gave a lot of inconveniences to my confinement nanny when she made the meals. Mil asked for the nanny to also cook her meals. Basically, it is always a good idea to keep a distance from in laws. I did not have a good confinement and has not recovered well from child birth.

Maybe they are very lonely and really miss the presence of you and your husband accompany. Not sure if your husband has any siblings around to keep them accompany. Perhaps, you can voice out nicely about your concern to them, like you are really tired while being pregnant. Instead of traveling to their house, they can come to your place instead? Since you have a maid can cook the family a dinner? Just my 2cent worth of thoughts.