21 Replies
Communication is the key to solving all problems. The best way to deal with this issue is to speak with your husband and tell him directly how you feel. You can tell him that sharing parenting responsibility will not only unburden you and help you bring your best to the table each day, but also help him bond with his own children. It can be easy for husbands to slack off and ultimately put all the responsibility on the mother, but that's where you need to take proactive action and be clear about responsibilities. Divide the work. So for instance, if you get them ready, your husband can drop them to school. If you take them for their after school activities, he can attend all the PTAs and so on. Sit together to chalk a plan to bets deal with shared responsibilities so just one person doesn't have to deal with it all.
The very first thing is to speak to him and tell him how you feel. Parenting is a joint and shared responsibility, and even more so if both parents are working. I had the same struggle with my husband and a friend suggested that I write down all the tasks associated with taking care of our daughter - right from bathing, to feeding, to play dates, to going to the playground. It helped to see how many daily things needed to get done. We sat with the list and a calendar and divided up the daily caring as well as the taking to birthday party jobs. It helped us both to have a clear schedule of responsibility.
Parenting is a shared responsibility. Husbands shouldn't leave child-rearing solely to their wives. You may want to phrase it in this manner: "Dear, I feel overwhelmed taking care of the kids alone. I would love it if you could help to change diapers/feed/bathe the children". If all else fails, do try couples' counselling. http://sg.theasianparent.com/5-ways-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/
Husbands can be tackled in two ways- either you tell them and make them realise about their responsibilities or just ask them to do things directly instead of waiting for them to take the initiative. He’ll either do it lovingly or crib and do it! Haha in either ways, he ends up helping! Once it becomes a part of his routine... he’ll do it instinctively. Hang in there mum.
It is also your husband's responsibility to take care and spend time with your kids, whether or not you both have jobs. Talk to him and make him aware that his involved will greatly impact the children's mental growth. So discuss the tasks you have to do and split them. Also ask him to spend quality time every week for relaxing with the kids and you.
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Samantha , can you share what did your hub says when you asked him for help or when you ask him to get involved in parenting ? I think parenting is partnering with each other .
Communicate with him. He needs to know that he has an important role to play in parenting if he wants the family to be happy and complete.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel and that you need help. Try this first in a relaxed chatty way (rather than a nagging way)
Try to tell him how important he is for raising a good family full of love but do it in a smart way and not negatively
Helen Lim