smoking up to now...

i am 11weeks and 1day pregnant, and i admit it i am still smoking. average 5sticks a day, sometime none, sometime 1 or 2 or 3. when im still not pregnant, i am really a chain smoker, i can smoke more than 1pack a day before. when i found out that i am pregnant, i im hardly trying to stop my self, but i dont know i just cant. and i promise to lessen it and slowly to push more until i can stop it. i am worried, i am scared.. i still hope that nothing happens to my baby. i know i am careless and stupid, but at least i am trying slowly.. sometimes i use to put my hand at the part where baby starts and feel if there is a pulse or heartbeat..it might stop anytime because of my fault. my confession...