My husband recently moved to China for work for 2 years and 2 weeks into his relocation, he cheated on me. I found out about the affair 2 months later and he was apologetic and confirmed he has ended it. However, he refused to move back to SG as he really likes his job and value the career opportunities. He is though willing to come back every alternate weekend to spend time with the family. Apart from feeling betrayed, I also feel that he doesn't prioritize the family since he chose to stay in China and not come back to work things out with me. Should I cont' to stay in this marriage? Am I wrong to hope/expect him to come back completely in order to save the marriage? *long story which is hard to explain here but I can't move to China... or at least I can't move this current moment...

Hi, i'm very sorry to hear what had happened to you and i truly feel for you as i'm somehow relates myself to your scenario. Me too,is a victim of infidelity. The third party was from china too. and my husband also cheated on me while he was there at work. But i believed you are better than me as you found out about the affair much earlier than i do. i trusted him wholeheartedly and therefore it took me more than a year to find out.(he was already relocated back to sg for 4mths-5mths when i found out). Based on my experienced,i find that if he really values you and the family,he should move back. i dont think you are wrong in expecting him to come bk. cause its the only way that he can ensure a clear break frm the affair.what assurrance can he give you when he's still there? the trust is already broken. wouldn't you live in fear and insecurity that he would betray you again?wouldnt your thoughts run wild if he remains there? i'm sorry.i'm not trying to rub salt on your wound or further sabotage your marriage. cause this is really what i'm going through. Though my hub is back here, there's not a single day where i live by without these flashbacks and i can honestly tell you,though its almost a yr since we reconcile,but my trust for him is still very minimal. i lives in insecurity. i personally think that its best for your hub to come back and salvage the marriage while you still can. Prolong dragging and staying there,do more harm to the marriage.

Hey babe! So sorry to hear about your situation. *big hugs* Just gonna offer some of my views for you to think about. Very importantly, nobody can tell you whether you should continue to stay in the marriage or not. A marriage is build on trust, and that is something that only you can decide for yourself whether you can still trust your husband after everything that has happened. Trust is even more important (I feel) in maintaining a long distance relationship. He seemed to be willing to try to make things work by traveling back every other week. You may need to consider if that is enough for you. I have friends who were able to sustain a long distance relationship when they were only able to see each other once every 3 to 4 months or so. It is really dependent on the couple as to how to make things work. If both of you are willing to put in the effort to make the marriage work despite the distance, it would be good to think through what are your concerns and the challenges and discuss with him to see if there is any way about it. Take care!

Being left with the children alone is hard wherein explaining to them that your good husband left for the sake of your family's wellness, is harder and what more to know that he cheated on you (maybe bcos of what - effin' loneliness? Pardon me?) that's hell! I'm sorry but it's like he didn't even know you're way sacrificial than him. So sorry to hear about the evidently bad circumstance and I just want to give you a hug now. But it's time for you to think of yourself now and save it. Save it before the day comes that all you and your husband do is blame each other, or you sulking yourself in tears in one corner regretful that you let him stay and once you see him all you can imagine is the pain. I don't want you to come to that point because you deserve better. All I want to say is it takes a lot of thinking before you make the decision and that decision must be final. No turning back. If he's more a pain than a happiness to the entirety of the family, move on girl.

It is not going to be easy to maintain a Long distance marriage. Mentally is very stressful. It's very unhealthy & unfair To the Wife and also to the kids. I myself grew up in such environment. My dad went overseas when I was 9. I can see how unhappy my mum is from her eyes although she is acting brave in front of us. My mum gotta struggle hard alone in Singapore, taking care of home & other matters. And also becoz of this my Brother and I have to be under the care of our grandparents since young. As a result our relationship with dad is not close till recent years when he moved back to SG then we gradually are closer abit. Recently I spoke to my mum about this topic, her advice based on her own experience is if ur Husband need to be stationed overseas, go with him together with kids or all stay in SG! Out of ten men who stationed overseas, 9 of them will cheat on their wives!

Cheating in a marriage is morally wrong! But if you wish to stay on. Lets look into a paradigm shift! 1. Every family needs to be financed, hence one party have to work. 2. Your husband works overseas, most likely is difficult for him to come back and given that he made the effort to fly back every alternate weekend shows some commitment on his end. Maybe is time to look into why you can't move and see what is your priority. If it is child education, I am sure you can find an equally good school there for your kids with the amount of money he is earning. Forgotten to add, you have to file for divorce within 6 months of the discovery of adultery or they will assume you have lived with it. Usually the court will order cost of application to the defendant if found to be true.

Hi! Just my opinion. I think, your husband should prioritize your family over career. Don't get me wrong, we all need jobs so that we can raise our family. I'm pretty sure that he'll be able to get a work when he comes back. If he got a job overseas, more likely he'll get one there too. I suggest that you work out your marriage first. Yes he cheated, it's normal to get mad and paranoid. But, don't let that be the ground for divorce. Talk to your husband and ask him sincerely if he really values your own family. I firmly do believe, if he says he loves you and your children, he will say sorry for what he has done and will try his best to reconcile with you. If you still love him and you do also value your family, let there be forgiveness and start anew. Just my opinion though.

Sorry that you have to go through this. But I believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater". If he still doesn't want to leave his job and work things out (even after you found out he cheated) then it only means he prioritizes his career over you and your family. It's as simple as that. And no, you're not wrong in expecting that he'll move back to SG so you can save your marriage. It's well within your rights as a wife. Now, I may not know your entire situation but I think it should be up to him to adjust, not the other way around. If you really want to stay together. After all, he's the one who messed up. Just beware that, in all likelihood, he will stray again in the future.

I just read something from Joy Tanchi Mendoza that a husband needs to prioritize his wife (and vice versa) at all times, and I agree with her. It's important for both of you to feel secure in your relationship. If he did that, and he can't move back, how will your relationship work? I personally think that going home every other weekend is kind of exhausting (and waste of money), but it's a good sign of effort. However, if he is not consistent and doesn't make a move to make you feel better and secure, maybe you can consider the option of continuing both your lives separately

I'm sorry to hear that you have to be going through this. It is not wrong for you to feel that he should return, neither would it be wrong for him to prioritise work. I guess it all depends, on each individuals priority in life? Just like everyone's needs and wants are different too. Most importantly whatever decision you make, if it feels at mind and heart feels at peace. Then I would say go for it. Hope you would feel better soon. Give it your all so that you won't have a chance to regret. You can only change what is within your control. Take care mummy.

So sad to hear that , I understand your situation now its really hard of course. it would be both of you who will work it out not just you. It would be unfair on your part if you were the only one fighting for your relationship. Be sensitive enough If you feel you both still love each other then fight for your marriage but if both of you are not happy anymore then it would be better to end .