13 Replies
I agree what Magus Tan said.Woman need LOVE and MAN also need LOVE.Actually I have same situation like you.But I always wait for the right time when I see him happy face and goos mood then I will just talk to him his problem and my feeling.After that then he know his problem but of course not every time he will accept. I am a homemaker but I like to cook and learn baking online.My husband is a self employed businesse,i will help my husband to do some paper work.But I feel that when I help him,he will become lazy then I will feel that " what's does it mean"?I help him,he can sit there play ipad game,watch TV and do nothing. Although I don't work but I still a lot of things to do.I learn from internet so I home bake cake,cny goodies and mooncake for sell. So that I don't want to let him see me down although I don't work but I still can work at home and teach 3 little kids together. Nowadays,not every woman know how to cook.I hv few Singaporean friends they don't cook,their husband complaint abt them.I told them,my husband because my cooking skill. Sometimes the problem not all come from the man,some are from woman but woman don't know. When problem happen,I always thinking " Am I wrong"? If we not wrong so what's the problem?Just find out the answer. Is it because his work problem? Financial problem? Or.... If difficult to talk then don't talk.I know sometimes when the peoblem happenings very difficult calm down and talk but you can " message him " like me,let him know what you want? 有些事情真的很难开口那就用写的吧! Hope you all the best.加油。
I feel you are fighting because: 1. You are upset about this situation 2. You have not been spending time together and have drifted apart. I would sit him down, not worrying too much that he needs to rest after work, and tell him that you need to work on your marriage together. You are not going to see any progress unless you both are committed to improving things between you. Here are some ideas: 1. Schedule (yes schedule!) weekly dates. Have someone take care of the kids so you don't have to also worry about taking care of the kids when you are together. 2. When your husband comes home, tell him that the next couple of hours are to spent doing things as a family. Hanging out with the kids, having dinner, and reading to the kids. 3. You can ask him if he wants to talk about his day, after the kids have gone to sleep. This might seem like an effort at first, but persevere. It might feel like you are trying to connect with a stranger who doesn't want to connect with you, but remember, you are not strangers and that you guys once had many things in common and lots to talk about. 4. Don't ignore your physical relationship either. After all, between married couples, it is a way of communication and keeping the connection alive! Good luck, babe!
I feel for you and I think some of our mothers and especially our grandmothers would share your sentiments. Hang in there - the women folk of yesteryears also went through periods where they had it tough with their spouse (made worse as they were staying with in-laws and extended family members). They also had no avenue to vent (while the mothers today have the option to work and have some distraction). Our grandmas and mothers stuck around in the union for us - I suspect they also had notions of feeling less/not loved and wondered if they had alternatives/ options. Perhaps it was a blessing that they had less options then, so they stayed in the marriage and took care of the kids. in the end, the grown up kids are much closer to their moms (grandmas). I can only say mothers are the glue to the family, they sacrifice a whole lot more for their children, and develop a lot more tolerance and patience for their children. They also learn to overlook things that are not worth getting bothered by.... I am able to share this coz I witnessed such noble character in my Grandmother. Hang in there - your children will appreciate your sacrifices. Take care!
I would suggest having a chat with him to let him know your feelings. Sometimes, males are simply less sensitive and would not be aware of what you are feeling. From his perspective, he may think that everything is fine and just how it is supposed to be. Especially when both of you are working and it is easy to stop making any effort to appreciate one another. Have a date night where you keep the phones (and other electronic devices) away and focusing on truly having a conversation. It need not be a heart-to-heart talk but just to rediscover the "forgotten" feelings. As for having the heart-to-heart talk, I sometimes find chatting while both are preparing to go to sleep (the period where the lights are switched off, yet both are still awake) the easiest. But that is just me. It takes effort to maintain a marriage. Have a chat with him and see how things go. All the best!!
I have the same feeling with u .. sometime I try to talk but he may not answer but slowly I get use to it maybe because I really keep myself super busy with my three kids when at night I will just watch k drama on my HP ... he also seldom bring kids out but I dun care I just do my part .... I tell myself as long as he dun betray me n give us the support that more then enough cause at least he didn't force me to go work as he know I want to spend all my time with my kids . sometime we just have to give n take look at the kids n as a mother for me I feel that my kids are more important then anything n I also believe some day this guy the father of my kids will change ... believe n be positve k . guys normally are like tat maybe that have some problem bit dun wan let us know so treat it as they act cool k
From how you described Ur relationship, I can strongly feel u do still love him. If not you wouldn't even bother that he doesn't have time for you or ur kids. I seriously advise u should talk to him about this when u have the chance. Be it that it might end up in a quarrel but at least u initiated to address the problem. Believe me ur hubby will really go think about it. As I've used this method and it works. Men seem not to bother but they really will go think about the problem when we bring it up. There have to be someone to start the discussion if not the problem will forever be there unsolved. Don't give up on marriage easily. It doesn't come easy but I believe, if u take the first step, everything will be half solved. Good luck.
It's really upsetting to hear that. Have you tried talking to him calmly about the problem you guys are facing? Communication is very important in a marriage or to keep a relationship going. You might think he's busy with work or games so you left him alone go do his stuffs but on the other hand he might thinks that you can't be bothered with him and doesn't even talk to him. It takes two hands to clap, so try communicating with your husband. Of course I do understand it could be hard in the beginning, if not you could also open a topic on counselling too. I hope these helps and please be positive towards your marriage!
Marriage is hard work and we just have to put in the effort to maintain the relationships. I tried to have at least 1 date night each week whereby I will leave my girl with my Mil and go movie, dinner or theatre etc with him I make it a point to celebrate all the impt dates like anniversary and our birthdays . my husband is not creative so almost every thing is planned by me, however he will do whatever I suggest. it's impt to find time for each other
How about a weekend getaway with the family where all of you can relax and as a rule, no brining of any gadget :-) You might be able to talk to him when you are both relaxed and not distracted. You can also perhaps plan a date night with him. In any case, you both will need to talk to each other heart to heart and find out the cause of this drift. It may be for him, you have changed and for you it's the other way around. I wish you all the best! :-)
Try to have a word with him nicely. Take things one step at a time. Don't rush things. Try to arrange a day where both of you can be available. Eg. Take leave for a movie or buffer, so long as both of u spend time together only. Doing things that u used to do together will be helpful to bring memories of your happiness.