irresponsible husband or am i exaggerating?

For me, during my ML when I’m not working, I’m the default parent during the day. At night, I told my husband let’s work as a team to handle night duties, it’s much easier for 2 persons than one person to handle it alone. Eg, for night feeds, husband go carry baby while I prep the milk/prep to nurse. While I nurse baby, husband can go back to sleep. Once done, husband carry baby back to cot while I clean up. Similarly for night diaper change, husband carry baby from cot while I prep the diaper etc, husband raise baby’s butt while I wipe, husband put on baby’s diaper and clothes while I go wash my hands. With teamwork, both of us get to return to sleep faster and less stressful when we have each other to rely for support. My husband wasn’t like that initially and I struggled. After some quarrels that’s when he shared that he doesn’t know what he needs to do. So it helps to let him know exactly what he needs to do and establish a routine. Hope this helps! No matter what, tell yourself ultimately baby will be closer to the default parent, it’s tough now but things will get better when baby grows up. Mummies are stronger than we thought we are!

most of the time, the default parent WILL be the mother. my husband is not the proactive type but he is very willing to help out. so i just assign him tasks to do. he doesnt like to make decisions when it comes to family/home matters in case it clashes with my decision/plan. it is mentally draining for me but i chose this path as i like to be in control. is your husband this kind of person? if so, tell him your expectations and how he can contribute. every family is different. i know of a friend whose husband is totally hands off and she is fine with it. they have a helper so childcare is between the 2 females and my friend would rather it this way as she feels her husband will mess up.

I told my husb everything that I feel. let him know that I'm tired mentally too and he needs to be involved. if you show him that you're able to do it all, he will assume that you're enjoying motherhood and doesn't need his help. set time of the day when he needs to take over so you could get a good shower and me time a bit. guys won't have the initiative so just tell them what u want them to help. do the milk. change the nappy. take over the baby for a while. set a date with ur girls and leave the baby to him. set this on rotation. it helps. and it also let him have a 100% parenting day. don't bottle up ur feelings. it'll only backfire.

Communication is key, yes. But I have also noticed (in my case) that sometimes the default parent is the default because we worry too much to let go. It gets easier after baby learns to roll over so we're less afraid of SIDS. Also, if you take care of yourself a little more, and let go slowly, like plan a me-day once every 2~3 weeks and leave him to fend for himself with baby, then things will most likely be more balanced for you. Like for myself now, I'm the default day parent and he's the default night parent. Hang in there!

I am a father. But our roles are reversed. I am the one who attends to my son’s needs. My wife continues to sleep. Sometimes I wonder to myself why is my wife not attending to our son. But see it in another lens that your child will be closer and more sticky to you instead of the other partner. And Communication is also important. Sharing how you feel to your partner is important. There is always two side to a coin. It will not help you to be feeling bitter about it. Always try to find the positive side of things

In my opinion communication is key to the marriage also we can’t always keep things to ourselves in the end we will feel like it’s one sided it’s better to talk to him and let him know regardless of arguments you should remind him why you got married in the first place and the responsibilities as parents and husband and wife must be there if he doesn’t understand it at all den from there you can alrdy see what’s gonna happen but i really do pray everything goes smoothly for you

oh set night duties too. who's making the milk today tmr etc. if he can't hv a decent communication about it.. then is he helping in the house chores? if no also then propose to him to get a maid. because we women have so many things to attend to already. don't baby your husband for too long. the longer you let him be ok with this.. the more it's in his power to use against you in the future.

I feel like this is an issue I have repeated many times to husband already. Like, how many times have u washed the clothes or sweep the floor this month? how many times u went out for dinner on weekdays while I had to stay home. but the cycle never ends. I just feel better when I say it to him then 1-2 days get things done. After that is need remind again .

i know what u mean because i feel the same. ive even broke down n cried but nothing has changed.plus i hv an elderly parent staying with me whom i have also to care for on top of everything else. so yes i feel u and probabyly its best to kp saying it to ur spouse tt u need help n hv some alone time even if just for a few hours

I feel you. It’s not like mine doesn’t help. But he’s more chilled like can watch tv or play games when I’m pumping and thus baby is with helper. For me I’ll be having a mental list of what to buy, what to plan for baby’s meals or what activities to do with baby