Divorce after a baby

My hubby and I are in a rough patch. We’ve been together for almost 11yrs. Married for 3yrs with a 1yr old baby and been in a LDR for 9yrs. When I got pregnant, our agreement was for me to get back in shape within 6mths but it did not happen. Things got worst and now we are looking into a potential divorce. At the very start of the relationship, he did mentioned he is very particular on his partner’s outlook. So there’s no lies in this and I went into the relationship knowingly. We even had an understanding if either have feelings for another person outside of our relationship, we would end our relationship first so we don’t give each other a chance to cheat on each other. I trust him that there’s no 3rd party currently. I failed on my part as his partner but promises made back at the start of pregnancy was without fully understanding the demands of a baby and it does not help that I do not get help with baby due to Covid. We are financially alright so the split sadly to say is because of me being out of shape after pregnancy. On one hand, I really want to salvage this relationship because we’ve been together a long time. But on the other hand, it reach to a point if it means happiness for him, I’m willing to let go. I’m not sure what’s next and what’s the point of me letting it out here. Its just a shame that the split had to happen when baby turns 1yr old. I’m not sure if anyone here has been through the same thing as me and how do you move on?

4 Replies

I'm sorry you're going thru this but it's v shallow of your hubs to end the rs because of not achieving the looks and his acceptable weight of you postpartum. losing weight postpartum takes a lot of time and must be diligent in the process as well. its get tougher when you've become a mother and having to care of the infant 24/7. not sure why you guys would get tgt in the first place just on the aesthetic or the body physiques of one another, it seems there there wasn't any true love to begin with? After so long being together, things or rather the criteria for him still doesn't change, then might as well ask him go date some supermodel la. anyway, as you said you guys were in ldr for 9 years, I honestly wouldn't rule out the possibility of him cheating on you since he cares so much of someone's looks and body weight. no point holding onto the marriage if everything is so materialistic. if he ever gets married to another woman in the future and she is unable to lose weight in time, is he gonna divorce her just like you? what a lame excuse and childish thinking. damn freaking shallow. even if you managed to lose weight but what if your infant grows up to be not in his ideal "weight" or "looks"? he is gonna abuse the kid? whoa I seriously think he needs to seek help from the psychiatrist. i hope you would talk to your parents or family about this and come to a conclusion. really see no point holding on tgt with him even when there is a kid, cos he ultimately sets a v bad example for the kid. hope you will get over it soon and take care. be strong!!!!!

Hey there, I’m not in the same position but I have three kids and we were in the same place 5 years back - just before the third came along. Thing is, I’m not so sure I’d be so forgiving if I were in your position. True, you went into it with your eyes wide open. But it takes two hands to clap. Perhaps the best thing to do now would be to look forward and decide how you want your child to be raised coz it looks like you’re more or less prepared to go at this alone. Many children have been raised by strong single parents and you would not be the first. Perhaps the split is for the better as seeing both of you argue every other day isn’t healthy for the little one as well. If you don’t mind me saying, I think you’re carrying a lot of guilt. I will not go as far as saying you’re not to blame but I think you know you need to forgive yourself before you can move on completely. Be at peace with yourself first - the rest will fall in place.

Hi guys. Thanks for the reply. To be fair to him, he never wanted a kid. He was 50-50 on this. We had a kid more coz i wanted. It may sound twisted but he ended up loving his child. And he comes from a broken family so the last thing he ever wanted is for his child to go thru the same. The thing is, he couldn’t hold this together anymore because its either the adults are happy leading separate lifes and child suffers a broken family or child is happy but parents are unhappy staying together for the sake of the child. Tbh, i know its shallow of him but he has been very upfront about it. Maybe it is just my fault for pushing this relationship thru from the start coz this body image issue had been all along a problem, just that it got worst after I delivered. There is really no reason for him to cheat coz all he needed to do was to let me know he fall out of love and fell for someone else, and this relationship ends.

Be it 50-50 or accidentally… Anyone with conscience wouldn’t do this. Especially when you risk your life and body to bring his child to this world. Don’t put the blame all on yourself please, it’s his mindset that needs reflection. If it was so easy for him to inform you that he fell for someone and it ends and on the other hand, that easy for you to accept this fact.. Then you should really just let it go and stop wasting time on this marriage. To me it just sounds like there isn’t anymore love in this relationship. But, afterall I’m just someone online… what we advise is only based on our POV, you should decide for yourself and I sincerely hope the best for you and your child. ⭐️

It’s ridiculous enough to divorce because you couldn’t get back in shape. It’s not like a one person thing that you decided to have a baby. But based on my POV, there’s no point in salvaging. 10-20 years down the road when you start ageing, the same thing will happen again.

I agree. It might be just body shape for now but ageing is inevitable. This might have an negative influence on your child mindset in future. You deserve happiness and someone who love you for who you are. Your health and your baby should be the priority. Lose weight in a healthy manner and don’t rush it if you have to sacrifice your health while doing it. Hope you will meet someone who truly knows how to appreciate your beauty (inner and outer). Take care and remember to love yourself first!

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