6 Replies
fathers are the first exposure a girl has to the kind of personality the opposite sex is...that is how men/ boys are. it's believed that a boy looks for a wife who is like his mom and a daughter looks for a husband who is like her dad....the reason is the amount of time spent in understanding the nature of how men and women are. whatever information doesn't come from parents eventually comes from outsiders like tv, novels, internet, peers, friends movies etc...and it will never be as honest as a parent would say it to be. when parents talk about " taboo " subjects like sex, babies, menstruation, hormonal changes, body changes etc. it automatically is considered by the child as something very abnormal and something to look down upon. that's why there are pedophiles in this world who fill in these gaps caused by parents because they are uncomfortable talking to them. hence it requires doing some homework on the parents end first. today books, Wikipedia etc provide a lot on this. create an comfortable environment first. don't make it too obvious. just as you would talk about any subject, so can u start with this too. you can be seeing an ad on sanitary napkins and ask her if she knows what that is. you may be surprised that she already knows a lot. but still if u feel shes comfortable talking to you, then continue on it in a dignified manner. search the dictionary for simple choice of words you can use to form respectful sentences like " I understand that you are going to be of an age soon where you will be no longer my little baby but a beautiful grown woman". Ask her if in her school this subject is being discussed. if she says no then ask her if you could discuss with her. again I stress the importance of keeping your tone of voice calm and confident and it should not sound shaky and uncomfortable.
Like everything else, be as honest and as practical as you can. My best friend's dad is a single dad and he taught my bestie everything she needed to know when she went through puberty --- menstruation, boy-girl relationships and even picking out the right bra. Most of them he read from parenting books and the rest, he asked his sisters and female friends. My friend shared that her dad was always scientific with the uncomfortable body related topics but kind with the more emotional ones like boyfriends etc. Whatever he couldn't handle, he'd enlist the help of his sisters.
i think the first step is to be friends with her and be comfortable talking. you can take her out shopping one day and then take her to a female shop where you can tell her to pick out some bras that she would like. of course talk about it before you go so that she does not feel embarrassed suddenly. tell her that all this is natural and is a regualr part of growing up. talk to her about boys at school and what she feels about them. ask her if she knows about dating and so on. these will help you both communicate better and talk about puberty.
a father and daughter share an amazing bond, which is mostly based on friendship and understanding. i think, a father should be honest with the daughter about the changes that happen in a woman's body, and not try to talk about it as if he himself is embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about it. he should tell the girl that this is a natural way for the feminine body to prepare for childbirth later, and every woman goes through this, and it is absolutely normal.
it's good that you want to take it up and discuss with your daughter. while mostly a mom would do this, it is nice that you are going to talk to her about it. i think keep it as casual as you can, and speak to her in a way that she feels it is natural and not something she should be concerned about. tell her that as she grows, there will be some changes in her body that will come with some physical changes. you can get her some books that talk about the same.
It should be the mother's job I think. Likewise, the father talks to his son regarding puberty and even sex.