Oh dear, going through something like this is one of the hardest things any mother can face. Please do reach out to your doctor or the hospital team who supported you through this, because they can connect you with proper counselling and care for what you are going through emotionally and physically. If at any point you feel your physical condition is not right, please go to A&E or call 995 without waiting. You deserve proper support through this, and there are people who can help you heal, so please do not carry this alone