Heart broken

Fyi, long post po. Sorry co parents, it’s me again. I know it’s the holiday season and we should be joyful & all but, I can no longer hold it together. I cannot tell my friends nor my family what Im going thru, again. I was the one who posted that hubby is having a depression. But then I had some doubts because nangyari na po ito 4 yrs ago. He used the same excuse para hindi kami magalit sa kanya instead kaawaan sya. Magalit dahil may babae sya. Which eventually led him leaving us for another woman. We moved out of our house & went to the province. After a few months we became ok again. Wala pong usap, nangyari na lang. we were happy whenever we’re together. Although I know sila pa rin ng babae nya. Doon na po sya nagwork sa province kung saan nandun yung girl. Magkikita lang kmi dito sa family home nila sa Manila. Or dadalawin nya kami sa province. And then come Feb I found out I was pregnant, but lost the baby the following month. By April we decided na sa family home na nila tumira. magpapatransfer na lang din daw sya ng site dito sa Manila. So I thought mabubuo na kami ulit. Sept I got pregnant again. Tinawagan ako nung girl, she was asking kung ano yung totoo. I told her Im pregnant. And dun nagstart na nagsabi si hubby na may depression daw sya. I was trying to be patient. I was willing to give whatever support he needed. Until ito nga po, 2 weeks na syang hindi umuuwi dito.. no text. Lahat ng pain noong 2015 bumalik lang. iniwan nya na naman kami, for the same girl at sa ganitong kalagayan ko pa. Hindi naman ako makabalik sa amin dahil alam nila maayos na kami dito.. and wala rin masyadong job opportunities sa province. Plus bed rest pa ako ngayon.. Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat pa ba kaming magstay dito sa bahay ng in laws ko.. Kung aalis po kami dito wala rin po ako pupuntahan dahil financially, hindi ko oa kaya. Wala po akong work dahil nga bed rest ako, plus the fact na nagaaral din po dito sa Manila ang anak namin.