I lost our child.. for the 2nd time :(

Feb 17, 2015 I lost our first child Sept 17, 2019 I lost our second child It was a silent miscarriage. No bleeding, no pain, no signs saying that we're already losing you.. ???????????? I don't know if I deserve this heartbreaking and soul wrecking pain....again.. I felt numb for the second time, it was as if everything turns black and silent, for the second time... My world breaks into tiny little pieces.... again... Same questions are bothering me...again.. I dont know how to start....again, I dont know how to pick up the broken pieces of myself...again.. Goodbye our 2nd angel in heaven. I love you the most. We know God has His purpose.