Disclaimer: This is a relationship question that I'd like to ask you guys. I know I'm not in the right direction and I could use some guidance.
So, I'm currently in a relationship and we're first time parents. I had my baby last year.
For the entirety of our parenthood journey, I definitely felt alone with him. I thought that when you get to be a parent, you'll become selfless and give your all to your kid. It's not for him.
Even before he had his job, he would seldom help me with taking care of our baby, will seldom help me with the household chores (and whenever he does, I get to hear bad remarks from him), does gaming in his free time, and will seldom render time to our baby. I thought it's all in my head but, my sisters got the chance to stay with us, and they said the same thing which I never even shared before.
I even felt bad on our baby's 1st birthday, we had this plan. We had this plan with divided expenses. We have happy things pictured out. At the end, I did everything and paid for it all (birthday party expenses, my baby's needs, the bills) and he only paid for the videoke. He opted to buy his wants before his child's welfare (related to gaming and he bought a guitar and mind you, he buys game items that worth his child's milk). I earn a much higher income than him, but I think we should come first, especially our baby. From our baby's birth until around July, he didn't have any job or source of income. I carried that resposibility all on my own without any jinx of support, even mentally.
My sisters would often ask me why I preferred to stay. I love him, that's first. Second, he's the father of my child and coming from a broken family, I don't want my child to experience the same childhood as mine. But then, as disappointments added up and up, I realized that I was slowly falling out of love. I don't feel comfortable whenever he's home, it's like a dark aura envades me whenever he's here. I don't feel myself.
All I have in mind is that, I have to save my sanity. I need peace of mind. I need a better surrounding for my baby. She deserves everything, and I'll gladly give all that I have to her. That's the reason I'm working my ass off, is to support her needs and wants, and love and support her at the same time.
There's still great things that he did for us. I won't forget that, but in my mind, all I see is all the bad things thay he does most of the time.
I want to let go of him now for me and my baby.
#pleasedontjudgeme #Helpplease