10 Replies
I will be glad if my MIL helped me the way she did for you but of course will tell her that I still need to bond with my baby and that I need to breastfeed so do give some privacy for that. I think as 1st time grandmother (is she?) normally they will be very excited and wants you to rest as much as you can. Same goes for my own mum. She took care of my son 90% and slept with him. I got all the rest I needed and maybe that's why I recovered fast. My mum will only pass him to me to feed and till today my son is very close to her which I understand and actually don't mind cos both my parents plays a very huge part in my son's life which I am forever thankful for. Whereas my ex MIL does not even care. Probably because she was not a 1st time grandmother.
She sounds like a lovely lady, just over zealous in wanting to let you rest more as they went through a different teaching in their time so they do not understand the importance of BF or your need to bond with your LO, so the key is communication. Have a causal chat with her to let her know how she can help to give you more rest, like in between feeds she can help to play with your baby but first to let you BF then it's her turn. Let her know that she can bath baby but you'll decide when and pass baby to her when ready. she can sleep with baby but let her know that she has to pass baby to you for BM then she can help to put baby to bed so you can rest. it's all about setting expectations and rules.
Seems like your mil is a very nice lady. I think she just want you to have a good rest so that you can recover well. Unlike my mil, totally don't bother to help at all 😔 I still rmb she asked me to bathe my girl on the first day I'm home. I had c-sec and she asked me to bend down, reason being, I need to learn how to handle baby 🤷🏻♀️I had post natal depression because of her. I have birth during cb, I have no one to help except her. Maybe you could tell her you need to bf your baby during feeding time? And the rest just let her handle.
Hi! My mother inlaw is like that.. I ended up losing my right as Mum to my daughter and it all started when I allowed her to take care of my baby during confinement. Now my child dont listen to me, she only listen to my mother in law, she dont sleep beside me because she used to sleeping with her alrd. I cant even bring my daughter out without her permission! Lesson Learned: 1.) talk to your husband, tell him you dont like being interfered. 2.) learn to draw line. If you will just keep quite, she will think its ok. 3.) dont leave with your mother inlaw!
Maybe she really care for u. Think positively.. try to talk to ur husband and come out with plans that can minimise miscommunication. Maybe first 2 weeks u can really rest well first and recover.. talk to the parents openly with ur hubby about what u plan to do with taking care of bb esp like night sleep.. if she react negatively maybe she really is Obsessive..
She did react negatively, trying to supress her unhappiness. 😌
I had same issue luckily I didn't do confinement at her place. from the day my baby is born she keep carry and refuse to let even my family members to carry when I'm in hospital. when I ended my confinement she refuse to let anyone take care or carry even her best friend. I got so mad that I told her off baby is mine not yours.
Probably they are excited to be grandparents and also their old traditional beliefs. But as much as this, its good to have them worry about you etc. Maybe they didnt realise what they did was affecting you. so there might be a miscommunication over there, it will be good if you guys can break this obstacles. Goodluck!
How to say! My MIL is very different person. She always ignore to help me and my new born baby. Almost things I must do by myself even my husband asked her help me for 2 first weeks only. If your MIL want to take care your baby then I think you should be happy to recover your health.
If I were u, I would talk to my MIL in a nice way. Saying I need to BF and all. And tell her u understand where she’s coming from about resting more but there are duties to fulfil as a mother of a newborn.
I went through exactly the same thing as you. I had post natal depression because of my MIL and FIL.
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