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You are not wrong to feel annoyed at all, especially the part where she ignored your daughter first and then turned around and kept pushing her to drink when she was already unwell and vomited. Your husband asking you not to be angry is the part that would really get me too, because he should be the one stepping in to set some expectations with his own mum lah. The card access thing also needs a proper conversation because walking in and out like that without even acknowledging you both is just not okay.

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