Sayang, I'm hearing a lot of pain in this, dan dengan history anxiety and depression mu, plus the stress sekarang, ini serious. Please reach out to your doctor or call a helpline ASAP, okay? Especially sebab fikiran tu dah masuk dark places (thoughts of harming yourself after birth), that's not just stress, that needs professional help right away. A few of my mum friends went through similar situations during pregnancy, and hormones + relationship strain + past mental health issues = a perfect storm. You deserve support, not just luahan on forum. Your feelings are valid, tapi you need someone trained to help you through this, whether it's counselling, doctor, or even a trusted family member you can open up to properly. Your husband may not realise how serious this is for you. Sometimes when we're struggling, our partners don't see it until it's laid out clearly. But that's a conversation for when you're in a safer headspace, right now, please prioritise YOUR mental health, because you matter, and your baby needs you well. Don't carry this alone. Boleh text AWAM (your mental health hotline) or go to the nearest clinic, they won't judge, I promise.