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Sibling jealousy is completely normal, but parents can add fuel to the fire by using improper language or discipline. When you’re constantly admonishing your son to be “more like your sister,” you’re hardly fostering a spirit of sibling love. Instead, you’re telling your child that even you compare them, and that one of them is “winning.” When dealing with siblings, highlight each child’s strengths and stop negative self-talk as soon as you hear it. Also, do your best to provide equal attention to your children. If one child takes up a lot of time for baseball games, schedule the same amount of time for another child’s interests – even if that means reading a book together or seeing an art exhibit as a family, rather than attending a game or match. Remember, it’s your responsibility to celebrate your kids’ differences. Acknowledge each child’s unique attributes to avoid making it seem like you play favorites. Some parents struggle when one child has a personality much different from their own. If this sounds like you, challenge yourself to learn more about that child and to find something you can enjoy together – chances are he or she has a lot to teach you.
It is naturally for your eldest to feel jealous. After all, he/she suddenly has to share their mummy & daddy. It may be a good idea to show & explain those baby scanning images to your no 1 after each of your gynea session. So that they can be involved in all development stages of their baby sibling. When newborn is back home, can always ask your no 1 toddler for help and advice such as making simple decisions on baby clothes (example colour of rompers etc) Out of jealousy and seeking for attention, our no 1 will also do things that are annoying to the newborn or have misbehaving behaviour such as refusing to use the potty etc. Try to set aside time each day to do something with our no 1 so they can have our full attention during this session. Actually many brothers and sisters fight and compete with each other while growing up but become very close when they get older. As you grow up, your friends might change, but your family is your family forever. **my 2 girls (3 & 6) fight all the times but they do love each other. They always hold each other hands for encouragement & support:)
children understand us parents bettr than we understand them. they notice each emotion that passes thru us, so let's say one of kids comes first in a race and other child comes third...the other child will watch your reaction and response very closely. he will notice if u r happy for the first child or feeling pity for him. that way he will start to create a mindset. so it's up to us parents to first remove any bias we may have in our minds. remove the competitive spirit we have even when it involves competing with other kids. make it a routine that each one will say I love you to all every night. encourage them to turn to each other for help..like I tell my younger son if he has a friend issue in school to talk to his elder brother about it. my elder one listen to his issue and tries to help him out. only when they feel they can't come up with a solution do they discuss with my husband and me....
Never ever make your kids feel that you're favoring one of them. It will result into a catastrophe. The one who feels favored will be empowered, and may eventually pick at his/her sibling or think highly of himself/herself. The others may feel left out and stepped aside. If it's possible to share, by all means share. But if one can't have a thing, then the rest of the brood gets none.
I will always tell my elder boy that didi 'buy' the toys for him or didi help to bring the balloon back for him. And he is so happy that he always goes to the didi and say 'I love u lei' sayang and kiss the little one. at times he will take didi toys or teether to play so I also will tell him, next time when didi grow up u also need to share ur toys n books with didi...
Since they're both too young, whenever we are together, I let them feel how both of them are loved. I also try to explain to our first born that he should love his sister because she is his best friend. I guess it's more of building the relationship and love between the siblings first, so they won't feel any insecurity even if you spend time with the other.
Try to spend time with each of them independently may help. Every child wants to enjoy their parents' undivided attention. Also, always assure them that you love both of them and ensure that you are not playing favourites (be it through actions or words). What one of my friends did is that she and her husband will have a day each with each child.
Tell them you love them both equally and if you buy them stuff, make sure you get the same kind. If they do something that displeases you like arguing, let them know that both will be punished. My friend is in the military and he uses the concept of "if one person messes up, everyone will be punished" to ensure teamwork, cooperation and no jealousy.
Always give assurance and let them feel that you spend time with both of them equally. Always acknowledge each child's strengths and whenever he/she does good, praise the kid. In this way, you are able to give them security that you appreciate each of them in their own ways. Also, try to avoid comparison as it will create insecurity among them.
I will get the elder to be invovled when i'm attending to my younger when he's a baby. Now that both are older, i will try to spend quality time with each of them. And whenever possible, we will do things together (ie reading, playing, flashcards, etc). Never compare them to their siblings as every kid is unique!