Contempt and Resentment
In all honesty, have you ever held your husband or partner in contempt and resented him for his insensitivity? There are times when I feel like he is doing something that is unnecessary (watching Netflix for example) at irregular times of the day. He says it's his way of relaxing from a whole night of working. Between him and I, he is the one who cooks. Though I apprexmciate his efforts there are days when I feel like he is just really doing it for himself - he cooks what he wants to eat and not necessarily what I need as a breastfeeding mom. While other husbands I guess would be happy to be needed and relied upon, I feel like my husband doesn't want that. He says I don't have to find a job and simply focus on taking care of our baby but he complains when I have to ask him to do some stuff or assist me for a few minutes in watching the baby. He says I am too clingy or that I do so many things and he'll be late for work (?!). Is his job far more important than his son?? As I write this, I have this nagging feeling that perhaps I'm either better off alone or if I just leave him and our baby behind so he knows how it feels like to be alone l; how it feels like nobody cares or nobody can help you; that you just have to find out everything on your own. Maybe I am just unappreciative or ungrateful. Maybe I just have too many expectations. Maybe I am just discontented. But I feel like the life I have right now isn't how it is supposed to be. It can be so much better. It should be. The question is... How? How do you carve out the life you want for yourself when there is this picture that everybody expects of you as a "complete" family? It's not about what other people would say because you're sort of damned if you do and still damned if you don't. Forgive me for ranting. But if you can somehow relate to this post, please post a comment below. I need some fresh insights...a different perspective. I am just sooooo angry right now and I really want to leave my husband and infant son behind. They'll survive. And so will I.... I hope.
