Don't know what to feel

I just learned today that I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. Habang inu-ultrasound ako nakikita ko si baby sa screen and I felt happy knowing na may makakalaro na yung anak ko and I know what to expect this time unlike my first pregnancy. I'm actually hoping for a baby boy and I'm excited to come up with a unique name. Kaya lang pakiramdam ko hindi matutuwa yung parents ko sa ibabalita ko, especially my father. I know na he's just concerned with my own family's future, my daughter is still young, we're still in our parent's house, we have debts, we have a motorcycle under installment, and of course our daily needs. Wala namang problema sa asawa ko yung pagbubuntis ko ngayon since may stable job siya and can finance our daily needs and save money for my labor and for my daughter's second birthday. Other than that may bahay at lupa na rin siya kaya lang nasa probinsya at malayo sa pinapasukan niyang trabaho. I know it'll be harder this time pero thinking of my dad's reaction makes it even more harder. He tend to say words that mostly hurt my feelings and I feel like keeping distance from him. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to him or even see him. I know I am faulty for it because I disappointed him by not graduating college due to my first pregnancy but I tried to help out with their bills or at least be less of a burden to the family by paying for my daughter's christening. I had work before 2021 ends but I have to quit because my daughter's health declined that time and they understood that. In fact they were the ones who told me to quit and focus on my daughter. I want to enjoy my second pregnancy because I barely did the first time. I don't know if I should just leave the house and don't tell them that I am pregnant. It feels like whatever comes out from my mouth is disappointing them or him. I know that I can do more and stand up tall once again, maybe it needs some time. All I need is trust and understanding. But right now, I feel useless, I feel like I can't be more than just being a pregnant woman with one daughter who stays with her parents not helping with the bills and barely do chores because she have to look after her daughter. All I am is a burden to the family with no future. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I do appreciate it.

Vô danh

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Viết phản hồi

Congrats sa baby, mama! Nakikita ko kung gaano ka-conflicted ngayon, and that's totally valid, excited ka for your second baby pero worried sa family dynamics, which is so real. Here's what I want you to hear: hindi ka burden, at ang pagtatrabaho ng asawa mo plus yung investments niya (bahay, lupa) means you two are planning for your family's future, even if it doesn't look perfect right now. A lot of us mums have been in that space where we feel like we're disappointing our parents habang nag-aalaga ng anak, and it's so heavy, pero choosing your daughter's health when she was sick? That was the right call, and your parents knew it too. I think before you make any big decisions about leaving or hiding the pregnancy, maybe have a calm talk with your dad when he's not in "problem-solving mode", sometimes parents get stuck in worry-mode and forget to say "I'm proud of you" kaya it comes out as criticism lang. Your worth isn't measured by what you contribute financially or how many chores you do, especially ngayon na pregnant ka na naman. Pero this heaviness you're carrying sounds like it needs more support than internet advice, would it help to talk to someone, like a counselor or even your OB? They're trained to help with these feelings, and it's important para sa pregnancy mo too. You deserve to enjoy this second pregnancy, mama, and you're not useless.

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