You can try to feel a bottle of freshly expressed milk. It is about body temperature, slightly warm. Your wife is right that nutrients will be gone if the milk is too hot. You should never warm it up using hot water. You can defroze it overnight in the fridge and warm up using tap water. In fact some babies drink chilled breastmilk and they are fine.
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No need to heat it up. Can store in fridge/freezer to prolong its life, but just leave out in the room before you will need it. Room temperature is best (after all, when direct latching, it's not "heated").
There are precious antibodies and immune proteins which are damaged by heat beyond 40 degrees Celsius. You don't want to heat up the BM to a point where this important stuff are denatured.
Our definition of slightly warm can be different. IMO, if your warmer has a 40 Deg Celsius function, that'll be ideal. Freshly expressed BM are at body temperature (36-37) so I wouldn't want to offer anything much warmer than that.
Sorry to ride, was just wondering chilled breast milk? How does that work, could you explain further. Never heard of this before.
Geraldine Tan