In-Laws Issue

Question

Hi mummies,If your in laws are so toxic, retired long time, healthy and not working, gamblers, gossipy, unappreciative, take people for granted and always hinting that friends and relatives give them money but they don’t have financial literacy as they don’t save up. We already gave them allowance and buy them insurance. And they seem to be asking for more?If they are sick we bring them to the doctor, we visit them biweekly bringing our son as filial piety. However, they treat my husband as their retirement plan. They never truly care for us. Every two weeks we visit, they talk about money. My husband is always a people pleaser, he don’t show anger or frustration. He is just a super chill guy showing his filial piety and he don’t start conflict and always brush it under the carpet. I feel so conflicted, mentally exhausted dealing with them and I want to stop visiting them but I want to respect my husband too.I don’t know what to do. #pleasehelp

Vô danh · Answer

Honestly, filial piety was never meant to be a blank cheque, it means respect and care, not accepting financial pressure or emotional drain without boundaries. What your husband is doing already counts as filial: regular visits, allowance, insurance, medical support, that is genuinely more than many families manage. Someone in my mum group brought up a similar situation and the key thing they worked through was getting the husband to agree on a fixed monthly amount upfront, so every visit doesn't become a negotiation, it takes the money topic off the table because it's already settled. The harder part is your husband's people-pleasing pattern, and that's worth a quiet conversation between the two of you, not a confrontation with the in-laws, framing it as "protecting your family's mental health long-term" rather than "cutting them off" tends to land better with chill, conflict-avoidant husbands. Some couples reduce visit frequency gradually without making it a big announcement, which lowers the emotional toll without triggering drama; others keep the schedule but mentally reframe the visits as a fixed commitment with a clear end time. You're not being a bad daughter-in-law, you're trying to protect your marriage and your own wellbeing, and those things matter too.