Trust issue and dilemma

Question

Anyone else feels this way or is it just me that sometimes I think I have trust issues to leave LO with mom ~? My maternity leave is ending in march and my mom suggested to quit her job to help take care of my LO (currently 2mo). As there is no slot for infant care, my husband and I are okay with the idea and will be giving her allowance to take care of LO. Her current take home pay is around 1.7k and she seems to want us to give her the allowance which matches her salary (though she did say that allowance is not an issue and to let her know if we cannot afford etc.) If my mom is gonna take care of LO - she needs to travel daily to my current place (which I m staying with my husband grandma and helper - my mom doesn’t have to do any housework or cook, as helper is already doing that, so she just need to purely take care of LO). Note: helper is busy takingcare of grandma and doing housework hence not possible to leave LO in her care.Recently my mom came over and wanted to carry LO, I have to actually remind her to take off her watch (steel kind), she did so after my reminder but she did not take out the jewellery (necklace, ring, and bracelet) which she wore and when she is carrying LO, LO head kept pressing against her necklace which I have to remind my mom again, to remove it as it may poke into LO eyes..Now I’m so worried to leave LO with my mom as the above are basics (I thought) when carrying LO? And also the allowance part it seems that she wants us to match her current salary which seems unfair to us (if we send LO to infant care it’s much cheaper due to subsidy and a more wise decision)..

Vô danh · Answer

I personally won’t put under the care of any parents if it requires them to quit their job. This will be the thing they will be saying every single time (I quit my job to take care of your baby bla bla). Put aside money, I think safetiness of my baby is more important (I’m not worried about the physical scratches by accessories, but more of what if any Jewelry gets loose and baby swallows it?) It’s worrying enough to be away from baby, let alone constantly having to worry about baby getting hurt or possibly in danger while I’m away at work. For allowance wise, I wouldn’t say your mum is wrong for quoting her price. She have all the rights to quote her price for her service, so there’s no fairness or what here (same thing, you outsource home based nanny, they have their own rates). I would personally put baby in IFC and just give allowance (whatever I can afford without putting myself in financial crisis). And don’t forget, 2 elderly woman together with a helper, nothing goes well. You’ll get all the “she do this wrong, she do that not good” every once in awhile. Also don’t forget if she were to quit her job just to take care of your baby, you have to do things her way. If you complain, you’re ungrateful and you may risk losing out an IFC spot (dragon year damn hard to get spot) and also a caregiver which then risk your job. Keep the relationship clear and try not to involve money if possible.